Reply to As an adult how do you get over a relationship with your parents that you will never have?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom and I have a really bad relationship. She is extremely controlling, manipulative, judgmental and she will talk about badly me behind my back, yet I feel forced to interact with her. She demands to be treated like a queen. When I say anything against this she plays the victim and says that I am being disrespectful. My dad used to stand up against her and over the years he has started to side with her because she will drive him crazy until he agrees with her. My dad has now turned into a hateful person. He thinks everyone is out to get him and hates anyone that is not just like him. They are both extremely hard to be around, If my kids don't act extremely happy to see them they take it personal. There is a long list of things my kids have to do while they are here and if they mess it up while my parents are here, we never hear the end of it. I am so sick of it.

When I see other people that love having their moms/dads visit or come over and they like their parents I just feel a sense of loss or hurt. When I forget how damaging she can be I try to get close to her and always get crushed. How do I get over the fact that I will never have a good relationship with either my mom or dad while still having to talk to them?
(Sorry for the grammar and spelling.)[/quote]

you are not the only one. my mom is the same. my siblings are the same. just limit contact, it redefines the relationship or reduces the aggravation. you didn't choose your parents, but they chose the relationship they want to have with you so don't feel obligated to do anything for them. i was in therapy for years over this and it helped me get to a point where i could say enough, i am done. but it is a process b/c there will be times you wonder if you are doing the right thing as you see others with loving relationships with parents and siblings, which makes you wonder if you can have the same or should you have the same. relationships are a 2 way street, the other side has to at least identify that there is problem and then try to fix it. it is tough with kids involved, but limiting contact is healthy for you and your kids. after you have kids, they are your priority. [/quote]

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