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[quote=Anonymous]About 20 years ago, as a college freshman, my mother and I had a falling out.  She and I had a very rocky relationship in my teenage years, I was a good kid (no drugs or partying or anything like that- I got good grades and ended up at a top 20 university).  Anyhow, my mom was getting remarried and she informed me that I was no longer welcome to live in her home (since I was in college at this point, it was only really for breaks and the summer since I lived at school most of the time).  It was very hurtful at the time and I basically cut her out of my life.   She did not attend my wedding 3 years after college (I did invite her, then changed my mind and told her I felt it would be best if she wasn't there).  She hasn't met either of my 2 kids.  We have only seen each other maybe twice in these 20 years, at my younger sibling's graduation and wedding.  When my children were born she sent me a card each time with a congratulatory message. I know she has seen photos and kept up with my life happenings through my younger sister who is very close to her. 
Last year she sent me a very heartfelt letter about how much she regrets not reaching out to me and that she really wanted to reestablish communication between us, rebuild, etc. So I wrote her back and said I was open to it but that I wanted to take it very slow.  I said we could email and be FB friends as a first step.  So the past few months we have written emails a few times a month and she sees what I post on FB (mostly kid pics).

I have to be honest in that I really have no interest in having much of a relationship with her. I feel like I've been doing just fine without her in my life.  I can't imagine talking with her on the phone. At this point it's kind of like talking to a stranger. I mean, the last time we had a relationship I was a kid. Now I'm a grown woman with my own family. How do you fill someone in on the last 20 years of your life?  On the other hand I can't imagine being estranged from my own daughter.  It would kill me. But I certainly wouldn't let 20 years go by before I tried to get back into my daughter's life, you know?  It is so much easier to just keep on the way things have been going. My husband really wants me to move forward in having a relationship with my mother, for obvious reasons.  I just feel like I don't want to.   My kids don't know her and they aren't babies.   I don't really have a lot of anger towards her at this point, though the whole situation makes me sad.  I guess I just feel like it happened a long time ago and I just move forward. But I am not interested in seeing her, having her in my kid's lives, etc.  We don't live in the same state.

Any insight?[/quote]

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