Reply to Just when I start to trust him again, he starts drinking again

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thank you all--it is always good to not feel alone.  I have shared with very few that he has a problem. [b] It is very secret and embarrassing. [/b]

I have considered al anon and probably need to start.

It is so hard.  [b]He really wants to quit, but he does feel that a social drink here or there is ok.  [/b]But I think it lead to the last 2 relapses.

I don't think the relapses, at this point, affect the kids.  He just acts a little weird after the kids are asleep, and wakes up later.  He still parents good enough.

It just affects our relationship.  Somehow I feel too guilty ending a relationship over this.  Yes, it is a crappy relationship with little trust and then less love.  But we are an intact family, still communicate, have fun, no violence or poverty.   I feel I need to keep working on it and so does he.

But I do know alcoholism is full of relapse and seeing no light at the end is so so sad.  [/quote]

I have been exactly where you are, including hiding it with the anti-anxiety meds.  It's not enough that he "really wants" to quit.  If he doesn't accept he can never have a drink again, he will drink again.

I completely understand the feeling of secrecy and shame.  But this is what alcoholism feeds on.  Tell him that you're not hiding his drinking from anyone again.  Alcoholism thrives on secrecy and the shame is what drives alcoholics to drink and drink more.  Because they can't face what they have become.  Shining a light on it and being honest with yourself and those around you is a major component of recovery.  [/quote]

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