Reply to Worried I will be supporting my troubled (adult) brother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thanks for the great ideas so far!  Here's a little more info (didn't want to overwhelm with too much in original post).  My brother is trained as a chef, and is actually quite talented at cooking, but his issues and complete lack of executive function have kept him from keeping a job.  He does at least cook for my parents, which is actually a great help to them.  And I think he absolutely could and should be on disability because his drinking has damaged his heart, which alone should qualify him.  [b]I've suggested it to my parents many times, but for some reason they haven't acted on it (my brother doesn't seem able to take on such things for himself).  [/b]I don't know if it's an emotional thing, that they just can't bring themselves to declare him disabled (though he clearly is), or that the logistics of it are overwhelming for them given everything else going on.  The family dynamics make it difficult for me to insert myself into current decisions about him, but I do think I need to push harder on that.

Whether or not they can leave him anything will depend on how long they live, as they're currently retired.  It's such a sad thing that if they live as long as I hope they will, it means more financial challenges for him some day, but if they are able to leave an inheritance to support him (which I will try to ensure that I manage), it's because their lives were too short.

Thanks again for reading and replying![/quote]

Unless they can get him declared incompetent, your parents actually can't make this happen. Your brother is an adult, so he's the ultimate decider as to whether he'll get evaluations and treatment. From your posts, it sounds like you are just as invested in this dynamic with your brother as your parents are. I have no doubt that your brother is troubled and needs to help, but it might do you some good to get a bit of counseling so you can have a better understanding of your own emotions, set some better boundaries, and work with your husband to figure out what kind of help you can and should provide when the time comes.[/quote]

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