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[quote=Anonymous]I am sorry for your father's illness, OP.

I lost both of my parents recently, unrelated to one another; and in neither case did I really believe / acknowledge / accept that their death was imminent. It was, but I wasn't able (or willing?) to accept it. 
So my feedback to you is that for one thing, I think you are better off to knowing and Acknowledging you father will die. It is sad, but at least you can begin to deal with those feelings.

The only other thing I'd like to share is that forgiveness is so important right now. You must learn to forgive yourself and try not to be too hard / demanding on yourself. You will have regrets for what you can not do for your father, but no doubt you are doing as much as you can. You can not be in more than one place at a time, and you must take care of yourself as well.

When my mother was ill, I was her lifeline while she spent awhile in the hospital; I also had a new baby. So I spent my entire maternity leave driving back and forth to take things and try to spend some time with my mother. I basically just wanted to be home with my new baby, and I hated (and resented) being the only person able to help out my mother. There is a lot more I can say about the conflicting and difficult emotions; but essentially, I think forgiveness for you (and even your father) is helpful. 
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