Thank you to you all. Your words and advice have been helpful to me.

It has been over 2 years for me and I still cannot believe it happened. Dad was so healthy. Had a stomach ache, got checked out. Found tumors. Died in 4 weeks. It is awful. Never accepted that a miracle wouldn't happen. But it didn't . Just really sad.

Anonymous wrote:I've posted before but my dad has dementia and lives in a nursing home. He's been there a year and is in a painfully slow decline. I go between wanting him to just die so we all can be at peace to feeling guilty for feeling that to imagining how it will feel when he does die. He's very much dead in a sense but still lingers.

Compounding it all is that we never were close and he was abusive...

Similar to my situation but it's my mom. It's so hard. OP - just take it day by day and cherish the time you have left. Yes, easier said than done. Also, take joy in your own children and let yourself be occupied by their own needs - a total distraction but helpful.

So sorry. Would he consent to in-home hospice? Even one or two visits a day from nurses, social workers etc can be very helpful.

Anonymous wrote:I noticed on the mourning my father thread that a number of people currently have a father in the process of dying. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in offering each other support? My 74 year old father is in end stage kidney and liver failure. He is refusing hospice at the moment, but it really is time. I am having a difficult time with the impending loss as well as what has already been lost. Seeing him change from a strong, smart man to a helpless man who often cannot complete a thought. It breaks my heart. If you are in a similar situation and feel like sharing, please do. What do you do to cope? I have done tons of crying...

I think many folks wait too long to receive hospice care. You can receive it for as long as six months, and no hospice restricts patients from benefits if they live beyond the six months. I believe terminal patients sometimes have a hard time making the decision to receive hospice care, because they feel like they're giving up or not being strong enough.

The best thing to happen is for him to go quickly if he is that ill.

You have my deepest sympathy, OP. I've lost loved ones like this, and it is terribly painful to watch. I hope you get the support you need. I'm so sorry.

I am sorry for your father's illness, OP.

I lost both of my parents recently, unrelated to one another; and in neither case did I really believe / acknowledge / accept that their death was imminent. It was, but I wasn't able (or willing?) to accept it.
So my feedback to you is that for one thing, I think you are better off to knowing and Acknowledging you father will die. It is sad, but at least you can begin to deal with those feelings.

The only other thing I'd like to share is that forgiveness is so important right now. You must learn to forgive yourself and try not to be too hard / demanding on yourself. You will have regrets for what you can not do for your father, but no doubt you are doing as much as you can. You can not be in more than one place at a time, and you must take care of yourself as well.

When my mother was ill, I was her lifeline while she spent awhile in the hospital; I also had a new baby. So I spent my entire maternity leave driving back and forth to take things and try to spend some time with my mother. I basically just wanted to be home with my new baby, and I hated (and resented) being the only person able to help out my mother. There is a lot more I can say about the conflicting and difficult emotions; but essentially, I think forgiveness for you (and even your father) is helpful.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VGIxk28wXS8

It helps me. My dad believes in Jesus so that's the hope.

I am grateful for my dad's good days and try to get through the bad ones. It's hard.

I'm sorry for everyone in a similar situation.

I've posted before but my dad has dementia and lives in a nursing home. He's been there a year and is in a painfully slow decline. I go between wanting him to just die so we all can be at peace to feeling guilty for feeling that to imagining how it will feel when he does die. He's very much dead in a sense but still lingers.

Compounding it all is that we never were close and he was abusive...

My dad is in hospice for cancer too. Each night I think I'll ger "the call". He's not local, and I've said "goodbye" to him three times. It's heartbreaking to wqtch the man who could do anything be so frail and skinny. I'm sorry, OP.

I'm so sorry, OP, for what you're going through - just heartbreaking. I'm dealing with different kinds of loss in my life, but would imagine you'll find others who'd appreciate the kind of support group you're proposing. It's a great idea.

Ah sweetie, this is a difficult time. My father spent his final 6 months in my home. When I look back on that time, I feel contentment that he was well cared for and happy that he was with people around him that loved him.

I am so sorry OP. My dad has stage 4 small cell carcinoma. It is just hard. I just try to talk with him when he has a good day and respect days when he isn't up to it. I cry a lot and I hope for a miracle.

I think I've read and responded to one of your posts before, OP. My dad died in 2001, so I'm not what you are looking for, but I just wanted to offer my condolences to you at this hard time.

I noticed on the mourning my father thread that a number of people currently have a father in the process of dying. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in offering each other support? My 74 year old father is in end stage kidney and liver failure. He is refusing hospice at the moment, but it really is time. I am having a difficult time with the impending loss as well as what has already been lost. Seeing him change from a strong, smart man to a helpless man who often cannot complete a thought. It breaks my heart. If you are in a similar situation and feel like sharing, please do. What do you do to cope? I have done tons of crying...