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[quote=Anonymous]I've been married 17 years.  DH and is family are local but we met while posted overseas and dated for 1.5 years before moving back here together so I didn't know what I was getting myself into until we were well down the relationship road. I'm sure my ILs think the reason I'm not thick with them is because I must come from a 'cold' family.  I'm not.  My family is loud, fun and laid back.  But DH's family is so overbearing that I've kept them at arm's length.  They think they're so warm and welcoming but it's really schadenfeude and drama.  I choose not to engage.  They play mind games with DH who hasn't still has some esteem issues with his family.  He's afraid of disappointing them.  I'm civil, polite and respectful.  I just don't allow myself to get drawn in.  Call me cold if you want.  I call it healthy boundaries.  I know I'm not the DIL my ILs wanted but they're not the ILs I wanted either.  Things got better after I had our first (of three) kids.  Gave the ILs something else to focus on and I have to say they're great grandparents.[/quote]

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