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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes. It wasn't bad, just ... cold. I don't know my grandparents and my parents are divorced so I never had any examples of seeing how to interact with inlaws. I come from a very uptight WASPy family where everyone is very formal and polite. My DH talks to his parents almost every day. They're huggers. We didn't really gel at first. Like, for the first several years. It got better as DH and I got closer. It got downright good when we had our first child, and they were so respectful of how I wanted things done. I really, really appreciated that. I am still not 100% hugging them every time we see each other, but I get that it's important to them and can do it without creating an awkward moment.[/quote]

This is us.  DH is from the (icy, in his case) cold family, and I am from the warm, fun, hard working family.  It is brutal, I am not going to lie.  The brutal part is (for example) at holidays, we have to involve more people, because DH's family can't carry the holidays, without more social, warm people involved. Also, when it comes time for "vacation", DHs family doesn't really talk to each other.  The ILs (who married in, like me) are the fun members, who keep any conversation going.  Otherwise, they would just sit around and have their face in a book.  To someone that has grown up polar opposite (we read, but not at the expense of interaction), it is a bit hellish.

It is odd to be part of a family that claims to be close but really is not.  They kind of look out for themselves.  That is, when all is said and done, one feels the whole arrangement was for MIL to say who showed up - bragging rights.

I wish I knew what to say, OP.  You can choose to participate or not.  Are they kind to you and DH?  Do they have a positive or negative history with DH (and how they treated him)?  If it is a negative history, do they admit it?  Do they make amends? Do they make the effort?  In DH's family, they have a strange "hierarchy", that in reality, as everyone is grown, would be reversed completely.  DH's family really seems to resent DH.

This makes it hard for me to answer your question, if everyone in your DHs family is a positive force; as my DH does not have that.  But I wanted to empathize with having strangely opposite families.  [/quote]

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