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[quote=Anonymous]I absolutely understand -- you are NOT making a mountain out of a molehill. But you are sucumbing to her game. Don't do it. Don't engage. I think the suggestions of letting your husband deal will all communication is perfect! 
Use the birthday case as your out -- say that it was very upsetting to you, caused unneccesary stress and you are not going to create more drama as apparently your style of communication is confusing to the old bat. Therefore you defer to your husband and he can handle it from here.

My husband used to be extremely negative about his mom -- and i would play the devil's advocate -- now with children involved, its my turn to be appauled, and his to play the peacemaker. "Calm down" is not what I want to hear. So my tactic is to ignore and laugh like an idiot whenever she says something outrageous that is veiled like the birthday gift comment. Oh my goodness -- that's hysterical -- what an amazing miscommunication. Who would have thought that a grandmother would have been able to resist bringing her grandchild a gift. You must be really scared of me to follow my "instructions". etc.

GOOD LUCK![/quote]

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