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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I can actually associate with a lot of what you are saying, from an American perspective. I grew up with a very dysfunctional father and a mother who still takes no responsibility for her own life or for the enabling contributions she made when she was married to my father. They, too, squandered family money, though I was put through school.

I, too, spent a long time being my mother's best friend, and the person she could vent/complain to. She would dump it all on me, then go about her business, feeling satisfied. I would be left with all this emotional baggage and, even worse, she never changed anything. Just went and repeated the same pattern time and time again. I am also an only.

What helped me? Therapy. It sounds daunting, but it really isn't once you get in there. I tried traditional talk therapy, which really helped me to see my parents for what they really were - imperfect people who never grew up. I later found CBT (cognative behvaioral therapy) to address unhealthy issues I struggled with. CBT helped me address my approach to money, which causes me great anxiety.

I also take some antidepressants, which I think I simply need chemically. I think many of my father's behaviors were due to untreated depression which I inherited.

Anyhow, hope that is helpful. Peace to you in 2015.
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Thank you. It helps to hear from someone who can relate so well, it has always been hard to get others to understand, even DH since outwardly everything is going well and my parents are very loving. And you are spot on about the mental health, I do think each person in my father's family has some mental disorder since they start with very normal successful lives and then deteriorate, just throwing everything away, and I am seeing some of those traits in myself.

I have shortlisted a few therapists and plan to call tomorrow. How long did CBT take to help? I am at a point where I have to make a few key life decisions, so hopefully can get help soon.
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It takes as long as it takes. There is no defined timeline. [/quote]

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