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[quote=Anonymous]My family traveled for Christmas to visit my parents and extended family. My father is bedridden with Alzheimer's. My mother has been taking care of him 24/7 w/ the help of Hospice care in every day, nurses 2x week, chaplain and social worker (all of which are great!). She gets out a few times a week w/ the help of a volunteer, paid help or her siblings coming over. My mother suffers from depression, anxiety and some other medical issues. The anxiety and depression have been illnesses she's had for over 30 years. I think taking care of my father is taking a toll on her but she won't admit it. She is becoming anti-social or maybe more depressed (refused to host Thanksgiving and only hosted Xmas Eve b/c we were coming to visit). When I mean host these holidays - it's making a few things, providing drinks (soda) and ice at her house. Everyone else brings a dish and helps clean up afterwards, so it's not 100% on her to do it all. I helped set up the food we did have before people came but of course she had everything else already done (she has to do stuff days/weeks in advance - maybe an anxiety thing??) She is 90% negative, yells, sometimes throws stuff, or she's crying or being loud/laughing. It's like highs and lows with her. I can't ask her a question w/out her getting offended or jumping on me for thinking she's "stupid" which I don't. Usually it's just a simply question that someone else would just answer with no problem. When I'm around her I feel like I contract her negativity and impatience. I snap at my kids, yell, am very stressed out. The extended family feels like they have to walk on pins and needles for fear they might do/not do something to set her off. She had a horribly mad face Xmas Eve night after dinner. Later I asked her why and she said, "didn't anyone see the trash needed taken out?" I'm like guest are suppose to empty her trash? If she would have nicely asked a family member they would have obliged, but she doesn't know how to ask. We're all just suppose to be mind readers to her I guess. My mom wants/craves attention and a pitty-party b/c she's taking care of my father. She chose to take care of him and I know it's extremely hard. I tell her she's doing an awesome job but he could be in a nursing home and she could visit him daily and feed him but be able to have the freedom back that she had before he became bedridden. We told her from the start that we would always support her if she needs to make the decision to move my father to a nursing home. She refuses to put my father in a nursing home and I don't think she's on the right meds b/c it just seemed like no one can do anything right in her eyes. She told her sister she wouldn't be hosting anything anymore. Her sister feels like it's a slap in the face to our family. I think if my mom was on the right meds to make her feel happy (as happy as a person can be given the circumstances of my father) that she wouldn't be so nasty, mean, etc. and would be excited to have the family over for holidays/events. I'm sad b/c I didn't enjoy the visit with her and I felt like my kids could feel the tenseness I was in and my mother's negativity. I was so happy to come home. I wished we had stayed home and done our usual Xmas Eve and Xmas day routines. I think I would have been a much happier person. I've already suggested she see a counselor and a Dr. about her meds. It's hard for her to get out of the house and she doesn't seem to thing the therapist she's seen a few times is helping. I haven't even spoken to her since we left over the weekend. I just needed some time to decompress. Just venting. Not sure if there's anything I can do. Just sad at how sad and angry my mom is and that I couldn't have a nice visit with her and my father.[/quote]
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