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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My brother has descended into mental illness in a horrible way.  The severity of it has taken a real toll on my aging mother, in her 70s, widowed, and a cancer survivor.  The stress is so horrific, it's affecting both her mental and physical health.

One of the bad, stressful aspects of it is how my brother is treating his children (middle school aged).  They are suffering greatly, with no stability, unsure of whether they can trust their father to be there for them.  They've been abandoned more than once, and worse.

In an effort to maintain some semblance of tradition for the kids, my mother has moved our Christmas Eve family gathering from Christmas Eve to the weekend, so that the kids can be there.  It's not ideal.  Nobody is thrilled.  But it's the only way we can think of to ensure the kids are with us (which is what they are begging their mother for (parents divorced)).  And the old folks (mom's generation) have expressed repeatedly that they are sad they haven't seen the kids in almost 18 months (because of brother's flake-outs).

So my mom changed up this 50 year tradition, and is now getting mean feedback from other relatives (her generation, not ours).  Which she could handle just fine in normal circumstances, but it is heartbreaking to her now after such long-term emotional stress.

I want to scream at them.  [b]She's done this for 50 years.  She is elderly.  It's hard for her to prepare for that many people in the first place.  I've taken over every other holiday but she doesn't want to give this one up.  I will do the boatload of the work for her, but I can't do anything about the date change.    I feel the critical relatives are both taking her for granted and can't see that being with family trumps what day the family is together.[/b]

Is there anything I can do to smooth this over?  [/quote]

You don't need to scream it. You have your mom tell the relatives this and you tell them also. It is what it is. Maybe it's time for those relatives to get their own holiday traditions. 50 yrs is long enough. It was a good run. move on.[/quote]

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