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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]"I've tried the approach of telling DH that we just don't need to visit but he always optimistically thinks it'll be different and it never is. "

What is the definition of insanity?

Let DH visit his mother alone and nip this shit in the bud.[/quote]
You are not going to "nip this shit in the bud".  You should support your husband and run interference when you see it starting. Do not try and correct something you know nothing about and has developed over 30 years. I have a mother like this. It is good your husband stand up to her.[/quote]

Op here. I sort of agree though at this point, I am also annoyed with being put in the position of having to run interference. Nothing she's doing warrants the attitude he's displaying. If our child was the one being sullen, ungrateful and irritable, the behavior would be unacceptable yet DH thinks it's okay for him because he's been driven crazy by his mom's mannerisms, conversation topics, etc. for 35 years.

At this point, I don't understand why he even tries and also puts me in the position of having to run interference in the first place. MIL is pleasant enough so interacting with her is fine. It's his interactions with everyone that are stressing me out. We have one afternoon and one dinner and then head to the airport so it'll all be over soon. Thanks everyone. [/quote]

So your conversation in the car to the airport or when you get home goes like this:

"Let me be perfectly clear. I will not run interference with your mother like this again. I'm resentful that I had to spend all weekend watching you be sullen, ungrateful and irritable. There are two choices for next time: either we stay in a hotel which you will explain to your mother, or you come here alone. If you want to go to counseling to explore how you can better manage your feelings and expectations around your mother, I'd be happy to sit down with you to figure out how to make that happen. But again, I will not have another weekend like this again. Hotel or you go alone." 
[/quote]

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