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[quote=Anonymous]Need some advice on how to deal with this family issue.  Here are the basic facts:

- My DH, kids and I live in the DC area but my parents and older brother live cross country in Washington state.  We try to visit there 1X per year.  My parents fly out to see me 2-3 times per year.

- My parents are older - in their 70s - and can be high maintenance and needy.  They can be annoying, but they general mean well and are good-natured.

- My brother's wife does not like my family, especially my mother.  As a result, they never see each other and my mother rarely sees their kids, even though they live 2 miles away.

- My brother and his wife and kids do not spend any holidays with my parents because of my SIL's feelings.  My SIL has been an unhappy person since I have known her and is constantly angry with my brother.

- When my DH, kids, and I have traveled to WA to visit with the entire family, my SIL has made our visits very unpleasant, picking fights, storming out of my parents' house in anger, etc.  I think there is something "off" with my SIL.  I have tried to mention this to my brother, but he is defensive and blames my family for any issues with SIL, even though she has identical issues with her family as well.

- At this point, I don't want to visit WA anymore because I don't want my kids to witness this chaos.  I try to do some holidays with my parents in DC.  Other holidays they are alone because my brother will not spend time with them, under instruction of my SIL.

Is there anything I can do in this situation besides staying out of it?  Am I wrong for no longer visiting WA because of my brother and SIL?  I have thought about visiting my family in WA and not seeing my brother and his family, but he always wants to see me and stop by my parents house when I am in town.  He likes to bring me into his drama which is why I feel I should keep my distance for now...

Any thoughts on my approach and if I should be doing anything to help this situation?  I really think SIL is a lost cause.  She has never liked my family and is difficult to be around.  But, she too tries to get me and DH involved in her drama and in hating my parents...  It is pretty toxic...[/quote]

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