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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This year my best friend and her husband and kids came out from the midwest and stayed with us and T day was awesome!! 5 kids (4 of them boys) ranging from 2-16 made it loud and chaotic, but not dealing with parents, in laws, sibling issues, etc, made it awesome!!!

otoh,[b] my brother's wife decided that she wasn't going to my mom's with her husband (my brother) but staying put and having thanksgiving with another couple who had invited them.[/b] My brother had declined the invite, since he was going to my mom's (who is widowed, I would have gone but she lives on the west coast), but his wife decided to go on her own. They have a very odd marriage. [/quote]

You know, whatever works for a couple. It's not for you to judge. Maybe she hates travel, or (gasp) would prefer not so spend time with your mom, or would rather let her husband do it 1:1 since it means more. [b]Not everyone has to do everything together all the time.[/b] Not everyone has to do the dutiful thing all the time. [/quote]

+1  i think people have to figure out what works for them.  In my experience, one thing that can really put a strain on a marriage (probably second to financial stuff) is inlaw issues.  So if a couple works out that it's better for a spouse to go it alone, then more power to them.

Last thanksgiving, I opted out of my husband's family's get-together.  I had recently has a miscarriage.  Most of them didn't know, but I still couldn't deal with them.  I knew that if I went, I get angry at subtle comments they make about us and not having kids.  So instead of going and getting angry, I stayed home.  He went.  It worked well.

The thing is, I think that having a peaceful and happy marriage is important.  Inlaws can really get in the way of that, so if you can work out something that manages the inlaws while avoiding tension between you and your spouse, that's the better path, even if the inlaws or outside observers think it's odd or strange.  At the end of the day, lots of people have seemingly normal marriages and then end up divorcing or living years being unhappy.  I'm all for odd if it means a happier marriage with less inlaw drama.

Whenever I read all of the threads about inlaws causing problems, I can't help but think that more people really need to deviate from convention and work out a strategy that minimizes the impact inlaws have on their marriages.   [/quote]

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