Anonymous wrote:You know, whatever works for a couple. It's not for you to judge. Maybe she hates travel, or (gasp) would prefer not so spend time with your mom, or would rather let her husband do it 1:1 since it means more. Not everyone has to do everything together all the time. Not everyone has to do the dutiful thing all the time.
PP with the sister in law here who stayed put. There's more to the story. She claims that she needed do to this dinner because it would be good 'networking' as the male half of the couple is in some field she's interested in. But she hasn't been able to find a job in 10 years, my brother not only supports her but recently supported her while she went to a top 3 b school, across the country, thinking it would finally help her get employed. Two years out, she is still unemployed because she never makes it past the in person interview. She also doesn't want to have kids until she has her career 'set' and my brother is now pushing 45 and desperately wants kids (she is late 30s). The travel to my mom's is a 2 hour car drive for one meal, back that same night. Meanwhile, my brother used all of his vacation to travel with her and her parents this past year--he spent 2 weeks this fall and 2 weeks last spring traveling with her and her parents internationally, and she refused to come to one meal at my mom's because she claimed it would be good networking. I am mad not about the meal because my brother is deeply unhappy, but can't really face what a disaster his marriage is. This is just one example.
Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how hard my mom worked when she hosted every single holiday (about five times per year, twelve if you count birthdays) for 40+ years. She worked full time, often overtime. She made everything by hand, lovingly. She made a beautiful house. We had tons of people every holiday, without fail. In the summers, we hosted huge cook outs in our huge yard. Everyone RAVED about her cooking and the get togethers. To this day, people mention her homemade (everything) to me. Actually, the company was amazing, too.
MIL, OTOH, is the worst model in this regard. Since this is anonymous. She gets overwhelmed so easily, never serves enough food, and barely pulls off one or two meals per year. She has been this way since I have known her, not just in her old age. It stresses everyone out. We all try to contribute as much as possible, because she insists on hosting - yet it is so clear she hates it. She maybe talks to one person all day.
I am trying to learn to like the holidays again.
Anonymous wrote:This year my best friend and her husband and kids came out from the midwest and stayed with us and T day was awesome!! 5 kids (4 of them boys) ranging from 2-16 made it loud and chaotic, but not dealing with parents, in laws, sibling issues, etc, made it awesome!!!
otoh, my brother's wife decided that she wasn't going to my mom's with her husband (my brother) but staying put and having thanksgiving with another couple who had invited them. My brother had declined the invite, since he was going to my mom's (who is widowed, I would have gone but she lives on the west coast), but his wife decided to go on her own. They have a very odd marriage.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You know, whatever works for a couple. It's not for you to judge. Maybe she hates travel, or (gasp) would prefer not so spend time with your mom, or would rather let her husband do it 1:1 since it means more. Not everyone has to do everything together all the time. Not everyone has to do the dutiful thing all the time.
PP with the sister in law here who stayed put. There's more to the story. She claims that she needed do to this dinner because it would be good 'networking' as the male half of the couple is in some field she's interested in. But she hasn't been able to find a job in 10 years, my brother not only supports her but recently supported her while she went to a top 3 b school, across the country, thinking it would finally help her get employed. Two years out, she is still unemployed because she never makes it past the in person interview. She also doesn't want to have kids until she has her career 'set' and my brother is now pushing 45 and desperately wants kids (she is late 30s). The travel to my mom's is a 2 hour car drive for one meal, back that same night. Meanwhile, my brother used all of his vacation to travel with her and her parents this past year--he spent 2 weeks this fall and 2 weeks last spring traveling with her and her parents internationally, and she refused to come to one meal at my mom's because she claimed it would be good networking. I am mad not about the meal because my brother is deeply unhappy, but can't really face what a disaster his marriage is. This is just one example.
Listen. You obviously have a lot of issues with your SIL, but the bottom line is your brother chose her and continues to make choices with her within the confines of their marriage. This is really a MYOB situation regardless of your "proof" that she's an awful person or a freeloader or whatever.
Anonymous wrote:You know, whatever works for a couple. It's not for you to judge. Maybe she hates travel, or (gasp) would prefer not so spend time with your mom, or would rather let her husband do it 1:1 since it means more. Not everyone has to do everything together all the time. Not everyone has to do the dutiful thing all the time.
PP with the sister in law here who stayed put. There's more to the story. She claims that she needed do to this dinner because it would be good 'networking' as the male half of the couple is in some field she's interested in. But she hasn't been able to find a job in 10 years, my brother not only supports her but recently supported her while she went to a top 3 b school, across the country, thinking it would finally help her get employed. Two years out, she is still unemployed because she never makes it past the in person interview. She also doesn't want to have kids until she has her career 'set' and my brother is now pushing 45 and desperately wants kids (she is late 30s). The travel to my mom's is a 2 hour car drive for one meal, back that same night. Meanwhile, my brother used all of his vacation to travel with her and her parents this past year--he spent 2 weeks this fall and 2 weeks last spring traveling with her and her parents internationally, and she refused to come to one meal at my mom's because she claimed it would be good networking. I am mad not about the meal because my brother is deeply unhappy, but can't really face what a disaster his marriage is. This is just one example.
You know, whatever works for a couple. It's not for you to judge. Maybe she hates travel, or (gasp) would prefer not so spend time with your mom, or would rather let her husband do it 1:1 since it means more. Not everyone has to do everything together all the time. Not everyone has to do the dutiful thing all the time.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This year my best friend and her husband and kids came out from the midwest and stayed with us and T day was awesome!! 5 kids (4 of them boys) ranging from 2-16 made it loud and chaotic, but not dealing with parents, in laws, sibling issues, etc, made it awesome!!!
otoh, my brother's wife decided that she wasn't going to my mom's with her husband (my brother) but staying put and having thanksgiving with another couple who had invited them. My brother had declined the invite, since he was going to my mom's (who is widowed, I would have gone but she lives on the west coast), but his wife decided to go on her own. They have a very odd marriage.
You know, whatever works for a couple. It's not for you to judge. Maybe she hates travel, or (gasp) would prefer not so spend time with your mom, or would rather let her husband do it 1:1 since it means more. Not everyone has to do everything together all the time. Not everyone has to do the dutiful thing all the time.
Anonymous wrote:This year my best friend and her husband and kids came out from the midwest and stayed with us and T day was awesome!! 5 kids (4 of them boys) ranging from 2-16 made it loud and chaotic, but not dealing with parents, in laws, sibling issues, etc, made it awesome!!!
otoh, my brother's wife decided that she wasn't going to my mom's with her husband (my brother) but staying put and having thanksgiving with another couple who had invited them. My brother had declined the invite, since he was going to my mom's (who is widowed, I would have gone but she lives on the west coast), but his wife decided to go on her own. They have a very odd marriage.