Reply to Regreat not meeting BioFather and now he's dead

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[quote=Anonymous]I have always known my biofather's name and that I could meet him if I chose to do so. When I was 15 he asked to meet me but I wasn't ready.  When I was 18 I learned that he was convicted of a sex crime.  He raped two minor nieces, both with intellectual impairments. Obviously he's not a good guy so I choose not to meet him.

However, I wanted to meet him for a few reasons:
1. A friend of mine met him and said we looked a like and had similar mannerisms.  I don't look like my  mom at all so that intrigued me.
2. My family always said that he was "really intelligent" like it was a bad thing. My  mom is not and I was always interested in seeing if he was actually smart. (I perused higher ed.)
3.  Family health history. I knew he his family had many people with intellectual impairments and thyroid issues i and was curious about that (got genetic testing instead; I don't carry anything heritable) and my thyroid doesn't act right so I get it checked a lot.
4. Just curious to meet him; even if he's a bad guy.

Since he's a registered sex offender, I view his mug-shot every 6 months or so. Last time I looked, he looked bad (and he's only 63).  The next time I looked, it was the same shot which I thought odd given that mug shots are supposed to be updated every 6months. a few weeks ago I told my husband that I wanted to meet my biofather and he tried to talk me out of it for obvious reasons.  I again went to the web to see his mugshot and to see how far his workplace is from my hometown and again, noticed it was the same. then i searched his name and obit. He's dead.

I regret not meeting him and feel this weird feeling that I can't name.  I"m not asking for advice it's just that I need to process this, I think and other than to my husband, who is out of town right now, I don't talk about this.[/quote]

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