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[quote=Anonymous]How would you describe your relationship? Do you like your mother as a person? Is she someone you'd want to meet for coffee regardless of blood relationship?

At nearly 40 years old, I've finally realized that my mother is a very difficult person and that as she ages, she's only going to get more difficult. She retired last year and does very little with her time other than claiming that she has a lot to clean (she can afford two housekeepers for a full day if needed) while spending her day on the internet. I know this because she's always emailing me news articles or other declarations about the state of the world or why I should follow her unsolicited advice on something. She's even convinced my father to cancel travel plans because they're scared of everything from ebola to ISIS to Putin.

Recently, I tried to see the world from her perspective and put myself in her shoes. I've read more articles about all the bad stuff going on, saw her take on things, and realized how all encompassing the news and anxiety it can create can be. All I could think was, jeez, how can someone live this way... I just wanted to let it go. Yes, there's stuff out there we have to be aware of, but what can you do other than keep living the best life you can.

I know, I know there are people who will say things like you'll be sorry when she's gone, and I know, on some level I will, but what can I do? I don't want a your mother is her, my mother discussion. Anxiety is poisonous. I have no desire to absorb and promote her anxieties by enabling this behavior and becoming codependent. Many people excuse the elderly because they're elderly, but my god, to put up with this for decades? No, no, no. I cut conversations short because after each call with her I feel anxious myself, exhausted and at times, disappointed in her fears and refusal to live a fuller life as a healthy woman of means. She had such high demands on me as a child and teenager; if only she had the same for herself at 62. More disturbing, she's developed a Catholic superiority complex, insisting that no other religion is as giving or as wonderful (never mind that DH isn't Catholic). She's so taken with the Catholic church, yet, with all of her spare time, she doesn't volunteer at least a few hours a week to help those less fortunate-- at an old age home, at a school, even teaching religion to kids. Nothing.

Anyway, yeah, I'd like to have a normal relationship with her, but I feel like it's becoming close to impossible. I don't even know what a normal relationship with her would be at this point. Just being able to talk once a week about benign things without her criticizing? FWIW, my other siblings have tried to guide her to anxiety therapy, but for her it's everyone else, NOT her.

I'm at a loss. Is this going to be it?[/quote]

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