Reply to Intimidated by Rival

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have to say that it sounds weird that you are pursuing him. A guy friend once told me that if a woman has to pursue a man, then the man isn't really into her. I actually think that applies to men, too (that if a man has to pursue a woman, she probably isn't really into him and maybe ends up dating him until someone else comes along). Don't be a consolation prize. If you have been around this guy for a while and he's given no subtle clues that he is interested in you, then you need to move on.

THIS.  THIS. THIS.

Move on and start focusing on your own life.

Stop, for the love of god, thinking of the "rival" (so sad you see her that way -- She sounds like someone Id like to friend!).  Makes you look so small to see the world this way.

Therapy.  Find the joy in your own life!!![/quote]

And the flip side.  I'm a guy who has been happily married for 12 years and 2 children.  I had a six year relationship that didn't work out and decided to spend some time by myself and on myself.  Five years later, I was still in that mode when I decided to take up an activity I hadn't done since college (about 14 years).  I came in and because there were relatively few single eligible straight bachelors in this activity, my now-wife spotted me and decided to swoop in, as it were.  She spent a couple of months at our mutual activity, making herself available and getting to know me when I asked her on a date.  And a month later, we were dating and exclusive.  2.5 years later, married and happy.

I have to say that at the point my wife took interest, I was not looking for love/companionship (or at least not anything long-term) and so I wasn't really looking at women as potential mates, just enjoying their company.  She changed that and I am forever grateful because we have been very good for each other over the years.

So, OP, it's great that you know what you want.  Stop worrying about his ex-, there's a reason that she's an ex-.  Yes, she dumped him, but you don't know if he lost interest and she was the one who acted on the withering relationship.  What's important is if he is interested in you, not what he might have dated before.  Many of us have dated the wrong type before we find the right type for us.  I, for one, am not interested in the girl that everyone supposedly wants.  That type is often too high maintenance in one or more ways and so usually not for me.  So, stop worrying about what you aren't, but worry about if you and he make a good match and then ask him out for a cup of coffee to explore that topic.

Good luck.[/quote]

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