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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A couple of thoughts.  It sounds like your DH wants and wants and expects that one magical day his family will include him and respect him and love him and be a functional and equal and great family.  That's the dream of all abused kids and kids from dysfunctional families but it is the magical dream that will never come true.  [b]Every single holiday and every single vacation there is an up and down cycle in dysfunctional families of expectation, huge crash, and, depression. [/b] The only thing that your husband can change about his family and about this cycle is himself.  He needs to get off the crazy train.  Mom sounds manipulative or insensitive or crazy, the sibs are abusive.  It's time to make your own family traditions.  Why vacation with them at all?  Why look for invitations?  Why go if invited?[/quote]

OMG!  You nailed this on the head!  This was me for a very long time.  The bolded sentence especially.  As I got older I skipped the expectation/huge crash phase and just became depressed over the holiday/vacation/birthday.  Once I left my family of origin, it took a long time to re-condition myself.  It's hard to do but your advice is spot on and the only thing that works.  You can't change anyone else but you can change your expectations and how you react.[/quote]

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