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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think his reaction is not at all unusual (neither for an LD kid nor for a "typical" kid), and I wouldn't worry too much that it's reflective of some worsening of the diagnosis.  Of course, I'm not a doctor, so if you are worried, you should obviously check it out, particularly if he is worsening in many ways rather than this one area.

You should not give up.  You should also not let him fail, as this only makes the psychological drama worse -- I'm stupid self-talk often emerges, and a self-fulfilling failure prophecy develops.

Middle school is a time when kids are trying to be more independent and schools and peers and parents are encouraging it.  So, it probably feels like failure to him when you think you have to tell him what to do.  It will also feel like failure to him when he doesn't do what he supposed and he really does fail.  He is caught between a rock and a hard place.

IME with my own GT/LD child, sometimes the suggestions I am making are not actually helpful.  When I tell him how to organize instead of thinking thru the process with him, he is not very receptive.  No one likes being ordered what to do.  But, it is more than that -- often the suggestions aren't useful for him.  Everyone bugs DC about writing in his planner, but the truth is his handwriting is SO BAD that he can't actually functionally write fast enough in such a small place in the book.  So, when we come up with approaches together, they fit him better and he is more receptive.  He also feels like I am criticizing when I remind him that he is supposed to be doing something -- something that he missed, something in a different way, etc.  So, I have learned to vary how I deliver my criticism -- with humor, with drama, with funny voices, etc.  This seems to take the sting out of it.

We have changed in our house to focusing on thinking together about how to do a task, coming up with a plan and developing habits.  Habits are consistent ways of doing things.  When a habit is developed, you do things on autopilot by muscle memory, and attention and intent are largely taken out of the picture.  Habits are every day -- same place for the backpack, same time to start homework, same tools for homework, same order of importance of homework, same signatures, etc.   Building habits really requires careful thought about the environment and sequence of events that lead to the occurrence of an action.   I love the book Habit which has some really powerful examples and tools to think about building and breaking habits.

I model habit building as well myself, as well as encouraging our non-LD daughter to build good habits.  Which also helps DC not feel like the "habit" talk is directed only at him.

If there is too much baggage in your relationship with your DC, try hiring an executive function/academic coach to work with him to find and build the habits/work processes.  He may be more receptive to hearing a similar message from someone who is not a family member and is an "expert".  (Remember, we parents don't know anything, from our kids' perspective anyway).

Maybe it would also be useful to visit a private school or two with him, so that he can see that other places are using the systems you are suggesting.  [/quote]

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