Reply to I keep wishing MIL was someone else

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread is testimony to the difficulty of the MIL/DIL relationship.  I'm a MIL, considered a pretty reasonable person, work with many young women the age of my DIL who seem to value me as a colleague and mentor.  I'm not an intrusive or critical person, but I have to be super double extra careful what I say to DIL b/c she can experience most anything I say as criticism.  I imagine that under other circumstances we could have a perfectly fine relationship.

It's difficult for both![/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for responding!  You sound like a reasonable, not critical, and probably young (IRL or young at heart) MIL - what a breath of fresh air!  Honestly, I think in my and many MIL's cases, the MIL is extremely insecure.  Of course, the DIL is also, the DIL is new at this.  I would hope that someday I would be smart enough NOT to alienate my DIL; but instead be genuinely warm toward her and make her feel welcome - not just SAY you "support" them - but show it consistently.

My MIL says one thing and does another.  She is a very negative person, and is probably depressed.  She has NO ideas people know this about her.  She has gotten worse as she ages.  She is not al all involved in her youngest GC's lives, and expects everyone to drop everything for her.  She is extremely bitter, and clearly feels someone wronged her for most of her life (FIL?).  I know her and FIL were not close, and he chose to be away from her, if not physically certainly mentally.  I am fairly certain her and DH and DH's siblings were an annoyance to FIL, sadly. But this was WELL before me, and I have nothing to do with her perceptions, real or imagined.  She clearly feels she needs a scapegoat, sadly.  Life is too short, I say!

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