Anonymous wrote:OP, she wishes the same about you

You are very kind! Thank you! Op here.

OP, she wishes the same about you

Anonymous wrote:This thread is testimony to the difficulty of the MIL/DIL relationship. I'm a MIL, considered a pretty reasonable person, work with many young women the age of my DIL who seem to value me as a colleague and mentor. I'm not an intrusive or critical person, but I have to be super double extra careful what I say to DIL b/c she can experience most anything I say as criticism. I imagine that under other circumstances we could have a perfectly fine relationship.

It's difficult for both!

OP here. Thanks for responding! You sound like a reasonable, not critical, and probably young (IRL or young at heart) MIL - what a breath of fresh air! Honestly, I think in my and many MIL's cases, the MIL is extremely insecure. Of course, the DIL is also, the DIL is new at this. I would hope that someday I would be smart enough NOT to alienate my DIL; but instead be genuinely warm toward her and make her feel welcome - not just SAY you "support" them - but show it consistently.

My MIL says one thing and does another. She is a very negative person, and is probably depressed. She has NO ideas people know this about her. She has gotten worse as she ages. She is not al all involved in her youngest GC's lives, and expects everyone to drop everything for her. She is extremely bitter, and clearly feels someone wronged her for most of her life (FIL?). I know her and FIL were not close, and he chose to be away from her, if not physically certainly mentally. I am fairly certain her and DH and DH's siblings were an annoyance to FIL, sadly. But this was WELL before me, and I have nothing to do with her perceptions, real or imagined. She clearly feels she needs a scapegoat, sadly. Life is too short, I say!

This thread is testimony to the difficulty of the MIL/DIL relationship. I'm a MIL, considered a pretty reasonable person, work with many young women the age of my DIL who seem to value me as a colleague and mentor. I'm not an intrusive or critical person, but I have to be super double extra careful what I say to DIL b/c she can experience most anything I say as criticism. I imagine that under other circumstances we could have a perfectly fine relationship.

It's difficult for both!

Anonymous wrote:Me me me! When I meet a reasonable, nice, tactful, mentally stable older woman, I often wish she was my MIL. I am also jealous of friends with "absentee" ILs. IMO, it's the best thing ever! Oh well, too late now.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Yes! My ex's mom was so awesome. I miss her often - in fact every time I use one of her delicious recipes.

MIL loves can of soup recipes. Which would be fine if I could tolerate being in the room with her for more than 5 min. But it just adds salt to the wound.

I see what you did there. Can of soup/salt. This was intentional, no?

You are so punny!

I can relate. I wish I could have my ex's mom, but my DH.

I don't miss a particular potential MIL but do miss the idea of being close to my ILs. My mom always got on well with her MIL and is very close with her SIL. I don't think MIL ever liked me (she's now passed away) and SIL barely speaks to me when we visit. They aren't close to DH either so I should be surprised. But I always expected to have good IL relationships since that's the experience I'd had growing up. It's disappointing, esp. since we are physically a lot closer to the ILs (who live in Southern VA) than my family (who live in Seattle).

Yes! My ex's mom was so awesome. I miss her often - in fact every time I use one of her delicious recipes.

MIL loves can of soup recipes. Which would be fine if I could tolerate being in the room with her for more than 5 min. But it just adds salt to the wound.

Grass is always greener. My college boyfriend and I are still friends and I'm friends with his wife. I thought his mom was the best. I was talking to his wife and said something about my MIL and commented that she was lucky to have her MIL instead. She laughed and went off on the nuttiness of her own MIL. So you never know until you're the one married to her son!

Yea, my own mom died when I was 18, so I always sort of hoped for a nice mil. Mine's mentally ill, and has now decided she hates me. Awesome. I adore my bil's mil (dh's brother's wife's mom), but mil hates that whole family (the wife, the mother, all of them) so I avoided inviting her to events I would have liked to (baby baptism's and such) to keep mil from flipping out. Kicking myself for it now. Sigh.

My college boyfriend's mom was very nice - I'd have liked to have her as a mil. I'm just grateful I still have my morher's friends in my life. They fill in the role for me.

Anonymous wrote:I guess it's not quite the same, but

Haha cute

I guess it's not quite the same, but

Me me me! When I meet a reasonable, nice, tactful, mentally stable older woman, I often wish she was my MIL. I am also jealous of friends with "absentee" ILs. IMO, it's the best thing ever! Oh well, too late now.

I went out with someone for years, this is a long time ago. Sometimes I think I miss his mom more than him. (I think maybe he was too nice, but that is another post). It doesn't help that my MIL is an absolute cad, we have nothing in common, I try to be nice, and she just keeps getting more rude with age. Vent over.

Has anyone ever felt this way? Or maybe missed your former MIL? Every time MIL is her nasty self, I think if only.... Guess I'm just daydreaming.