Reply to Mom doesn't know words "I'm sorry". Anyone else relate?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, I can relate.  Your mom sounds like mine.  She has never, ever given a sincere apology.  If she apologizes at all, which is rare, it will be obviously fake.  And really, how could she ever apologize for the hell she put me through for my entire life; I doubt she could admit it to herself, much less me.  I have reduced contact quite a bit and that helps.  Therapy helped me realize what her common "games" are and how not to play them - that was the MOST helpful thing ever.  When we are together, I try to never be alone with her.  She has so many layers of phoniness, it's almost impossible to carry on a conversation with her anyway.  A lot of times I pretend not to hear her when she makes one of her many weird-a$$ criticisms.

I still have a lot of resentment, and sometimes it really flares up and I get stuck in the what-ifs:  what if my mom had ever told me she loved me?  or that I was pretty?  or that being pretty isn't the most important thing in the world? or that I did a good job on something?  or if she could have been my soft place to land after a break-up, instead of being the last person I'd tell because of course it would have been my fault?  what if she hadn't complained ad nauseum to everyone she encountered about how awful I was?  what if she hadn't started me on diets (aka complaining about my weight while never making a healthful meal, sabotaging any efforts with no real food but making cookies mysteriously appear) when I was so young?  what if she hadn't told me I was lazy so very many times?

A couple of years ago I found some pictures of myself at the age I was when she was really pushing the dieting, and if I hadn't know it was me, I wouldn't have recognized myself.  I looked tall and thin among my friends, even by critical-mom standards.  WTH?  There are also a number of things in my teen years that were really important to me that she actively sabotaged.

I have no desire for a real relationship with her.  I'm just limiting our interactions and riding it out.
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