Reply to Obligated to have visits with not nice in-laws when there is a new baby?

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[quote=Anonymous]My ILs are fine, but we had to set a lot of boundaries with my FIL.  He would, for example, announce that he'd be coming for a visit in a week, and would plan to crash on our couch (we were living in a 2BR/1BA with our then-infant).  I wanted more notice, wanted him to stay in a hotel, and didn't want him to be coming down every month.

First, I think your DH has to be the one to set the terms.  My DH and I talked it over and came to some compromises before either of us said anything to my FIL.  We agreed that we needed some notice (2 weeks) before a visit, and that parents (both mine and his) would stay in a hotel.  He told my FIL this, I communicated it to my family.

Second, it sounds like you just feel like you owe her a visit without her or your DH requesting one.  In that case, I have learned not to say anything.  Early on in our marriage I sometimes would say to DH "I feel like we should go visit your family for x/y/z" and he never said the same (although he likes my family a lot).  So, I stopped.  If and when he wants to go see his family, he can suggest it.  If and when his family feels like w're due for a visit, they can say something.  [/quote]

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