Reply to Obligated to have visits with not nice in-laws when there is a new baby?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

Congratulations on your new baby.  I am in a very similar situation with my MIL (she's selfish and never been nice to me), with one major difference.  My DH would never think that I would entertain his mother while he works 12 hr days nor would we (MIL and I) wish to spend all that time together.

We now have DC#2 and I have not gone out of my way to let them see him b/c of what happened when we had DC#1.

I went out of my way after a very bad c-section recovery to let them meet DC#1 and the first thing she did when meeting her was to announce that she would never change a diaper.  We had never asked her to, but I was stunned that she needed to say that.

The second time she saw her (this time they stayed with us) she refused to watch her for 20 minutes while I had to pump (DH and FIL were tending to this one gutter that DH needed someone to hold the ladder for during the time).  She also came to visit while she was sick.

I have resisted their requests to stay with us after she invited her side of the family to a barbecue at our house without asking me (even as an empty gesture) and let DH and I do all of the hosting.  Never even offered to lift a finger (even as an empty gesture), and also when she arrived 3 hours early when we were hosting DH's paternal grandmother's 90th birthday.  They just walked right in and DH and I had not even had a chance to shower.  We were still cleaning our house (pre-housekeeper days).

As a result of these interactions, I have not let them stay with us when they come through town.  Fortunately, FIL has 3 other family members in the area they can stay with and MIL has 2 family members who are about 2 hours or so away.  This time around they came by for a few hours when DC#2 was 3 months old.

For those of you who think this is harsh, you should remember that there isn't that much to do when kids are this young.  Plus I knew the ILs would refuse to even consider getting vaccinated for pertussis.

Don't go out of your way for your ILs.  Let your MIL reach out to our husband.  They are his parents and he should be there if they are coming over.  If she doesn't like this, she needs to start acting nicer or get over it.[/quote]

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