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[quote=Anonymous]My trick with vacationing with ILs or other relatives (and infact even when they are visiting for extended time - like a few weeks) is simply to make everyone aware of what services I will be doing for them.

So - every morning at a certain agreed upon time  - I will serve breakfast - eggs, toast, OJ, cereal, milk, fruits.  I will clean the skillets and pans that I have used. Everyone must load dishwasher after that and last person runs it. If you miss that time - I am not responsible for breakfast anymore.

The same goes for lunch and dinner. I will serve one entree only - Lasagna, Chili, Baked Ziti, spaghetti with meat balls, Chinese chicken fried rice - with salad, ice-tea, fruit - at a certain times - and clean the pans I have used to cook that (I mostly use pre made frozen stuff)  After that I am not responsible for anyone's meals. If they want something else, they can fix it or eat out - and clean up afterwards.

I will vacuum  and clean up common areas - family room, dining room, hall bath, kitchen once a day and do common laundry - towels and sheets once a day as well.  Other than that, I am not available to anyone but my kids.  I do not expect anyone to babysit my kids - but if they want to spend time with them, then I am ok.

So - basically I am the "Maid Marriott".  I provide meals and house cleaning services at certain times and view all of them as vacationers that have come into my house or beach house.

I will fall in with their itinerary if it suits me - but otherwise I make my own plans.  I also nap every afternoon or early evening for 30 minutes or so. DH is responsible for taking care of kids then.

BTW - after just a few days of my cooking, my FIL wants my MIL to take over - and that's fine by me as well. I will do the grocery run for her, but I do not help with food prep and cooking or cleaning up - (because in the past they roped me as a sous chef - which I totally resent).  MIL loves all the praise her cooking gets (and she is a very good cook, no doubt!) - and I am fine with not being the "Queen of the kitchen".

It has worked fine for me so far. I do not view the vacation as a vacation for me. I view it as a temporary job in which I provide some basic meals and cleaning services. My ILs think highly of me, because I do not interfere with their time with their son or grandkids, I don't expect anyone to babysit my kids etc.  Truth be told, if they could abide my cooking - they would not have to lift a finger during the vacation.

This may not be ideal - but this has been my survival tactic for my entire married life.  This prevents unnecessary drama and unpleasantness.  I feel that I have a duty to provide some basic hospitality - which I do.  Is this a great vacation for me? Not really. It is like a working vacation.  I think I do more than anyone else - but keeping scores here does not work.

I treat myself to a 2 day vacation without kids and DH, with my girlfriends - and that is a real vacation.
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