Anonymous
07/18/2014 22:18
Subject: Re:If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Anonymous wrote:My trick with vacationing with ILs or other relatives (and infact even when they are visiting for extended time - like a few weeks) is simply to make everyone aware of what services I will be doing for them.
So - every morning at a certain agreed upon time - I will serve breakfast - eggs, toast, OJ, cereal, milk, fruits. I will clean the skillets and pans that I have used. Everyone must load dishwasher after that and last person runs it. If you miss that time - I am not responsible for breakfast anymore.
The same goes for lunch and dinner. I will serve one entree only - Lasagna, Chili, Baked Ziti, spaghetti with meat balls, Chinese chicken fried rice - with salad, ice-tea, fruit - at a certain times - and clean the pans I have used to cook that (I mostly use pre made frozen stuff) After that I am not responsible for anyone's meals. If they want something else, they can fix it or eat out - and clean up afterwards.
I will vacuum and clean up common areas - family room, dining room, hall bath, kitchen once a day and do common laundry - towels and sheets once a day as well. Other than that, I am not available to anyone but my kids. I do not expect anyone to babysit my kids - but if they want to spend time with them, then I am ok.
So - basically I am the "Maid Marriott". I provide meals and house cleaning services at certain times and view all of them as vacationers that have come into my house or beach house.
I will fall in with their itinerary if it suits me - but otherwise I make my own plans. I also nap every afternoon or early evening for 30 minutes or so. DH is responsible for taking care of kids then.
BTW - after just a few days of my cooking, my FIL wants my MIL to take over - and that's fine by me as well. I will do the grocery run for her, but I do not help with food prep and cooking or cleaning up - (because in the past they roped me as a sous chef - which I totally resent). MIL loves all the praise her cooking gets (and she is a very good cook, no doubt!) - and I am fine with not being the "Queen of the kitchen".
It has worked fine for me so far. I do not view the vacation as a vacation for me. I view it as a temporary job in which I provide some basic meals and cleaning services. My ILs think highly of me, because I do not interfere with their time with their son or grandkids, I don't expect anyone to babysit my kids etc. Truth be told, if they could abide my cooking - they would not have to lift a finger during the vacation.
This may not be ideal - but this has been my survival tactic for my entire married life. This prevents unnecessary drama and unpleasantness. I feel that I have a duty to provide some basic hospitality - which I do. Is this a great vacation for me? Not really. It is like a working vacation. I think I do more than anyone else - but keeping scores here does not work.
I treat myself to a 2 day vacation without kids and DH, with my girlfriends - and that is a real vacation.
You sound super fun to be around.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 22:18
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
You poor little babe. You were entitled to so much MORE. Next opportunity, purse your lips together and absolutely REFUSE to even taste your applesauce - that'll show those rude a-holes.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 22:13
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Your in-laws invited you to a planned a beach vacation and ...now, after the fact, you want to know how you survived such an ordeal.
Does that sound right?
Does that sound right?
Anonymous
07/18/2014 18:08
Subject: Re:If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
My trick with vacationing with ILs or other relatives (and infact even when they are visiting for extended time - like a few weeks) is simply to make everyone aware of what services I will be doing for them.
So - every morning at a certain agreed upon time - I will serve breakfast - eggs, toast, OJ, cereal, milk, fruits. I will clean the skillets and pans that I have used. Everyone must load dishwasher after that and last person runs it. If you miss that time - I am not responsible for breakfast anymore.
The same goes for lunch and dinner. I will serve one entree only - Lasagna, Chili, Baked Ziti, spaghetti with meat balls, Chinese chicken fried rice - with salad, ice-tea, fruit - at a certain times - and clean the pans I have used to cook that (I mostly use pre made frozen stuff) After that I am not responsible for anyone's meals. If they want something else, they can fix it or eat out - and clean up afterwards.
I will vacuum and clean up common areas - family room, dining room, hall bath, kitchen once a day and do common laundry - towels and sheets once a day as well. Other than that, I am not available to anyone but my kids. I do not expect anyone to babysit my kids - but if they want to spend time with them, then I am ok.
So - basically I am the "Maid Marriott". I provide meals and house cleaning services at certain times and view all of them as vacationers that have come into my house or beach house.
I will fall in with their itinerary if it suits me - but otherwise I make my own plans. I also nap every afternoon or early evening for 30 minutes or so. DH is responsible for taking care of kids then.
BTW - after just a few days of my cooking, my FIL wants my MIL to take over - and that's fine by me as well. I will do the grocery run for her, but I do not help with food prep and cooking or cleaning up - (because in the past they roped me as a sous chef - which I totally resent). MIL loves all the praise her cooking gets (and she is a very good cook, no doubt!) - and I am fine with not being the "Queen of the kitchen".
It has worked fine for me so far. I do not view the vacation as a vacation for me. I view it as a temporary job in which I provide some basic meals and cleaning services. My ILs think highly of me, because I do not interfere with their time with their son or grandkids, I don't expect anyone to babysit my kids etc. Truth be told, if they could abide my cooking - they would not have to lift a finger during the vacation.
This may not be ideal - but this has been my survival tactic for my entire married life. This prevents unnecessary drama and unpleasantness. I feel that I have a duty to provide some basic hospitality - which I do. Is this a great vacation for me? Not really. It is like a working vacation. I think I do more than anyone else - but keeping scores here does not work.
I treat myself to a 2 day vacation without kids and DH, with my girlfriends - and that is a real vacation.
So - every morning at a certain agreed upon time - I will serve breakfast - eggs, toast, OJ, cereal, milk, fruits. I will clean the skillets and pans that I have used. Everyone must load dishwasher after that and last person runs it. If you miss that time - I am not responsible for breakfast anymore.
The same goes for lunch and dinner. I will serve one entree only - Lasagna, Chili, Baked Ziti, spaghetti with meat balls, Chinese chicken fried rice - with salad, ice-tea, fruit - at a certain times - and clean the pans I have used to cook that (I mostly use pre made frozen stuff) After that I am not responsible for anyone's meals. If they want something else, they can fix it or eat out - and clean up afterwards.
I will vacuum and clean up common areas - family room, dining room, hall bath, kitchen once a day and do common laundry - towels and sheets once a day as well. Other than that, I am not available to anyone but my kids. I do not expect anyone to babysit my kids - but if they want to spend time with them, then I am ok.
So - basically I am the "Maid Marriott". I provide meals and house cleaning services at certain times and view all of them as vacationers that have come into my house or beach house.
I will fall in with their itinerary if it suits me - but otherwise I make my own plans. I also nap every afternoon or early evening for 30 minutes or so. DH is responsible for taking care of kids then.
BTW - after just a few days of my cooking, my FIL wants my MIL to take over - and that's fine by me as well. I will do the grocery run for her, but I do not help with food prep and cooking or cleaning up - (because in the past they roped me as a sous chef - which I totally resent). MIL loves all the praise her cooking gets (and she is a very good cook, no doubt!) - and I am fine with not being the "Queen of the kitchen".
It has worked fine for me so far. I do not view the vacation as a vacation for me. I view it as a temporary job in which I provide some basic meals and cleaning services. My ILs think highly of me, because I do not interfere with their time with their son or grandkids, I don't expect anyone to babysit my kids etc. Truth be told, if they could abide my cooking - they would not have to lift a finger during the vacation.
This may not be ideal - but this has been my survival tactic for my entire married life. This prevents unnecessary drama and unpleasantness. I feel that I have a duty to provide some basic hospitality - which I do. Is this a great vacation for me? Not really. It is like a working vacation. I think I do more than anyone else - but keeping scores here does not work.
I treat myself to a 2 day vacation without kids and DH, with my girlfriends - and that is a real vacation.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 17:50
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
OP one of my friends has terrible in laws who drive her crazy. We (her friends) take turns calling her with emergencies. Her Mil thinks we are all high maintenance so sometimes we fake being her boss and having work emergencies. 
Anonymous
07/18/2014 17:45
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
OP here. MIL hates kids, always has. It was just her way of getting out of hell - marry and have kids, become a 1950's housewife, and take a traditional women's job, blah, blah, blah....
She is not very accepting of different and take it as a personal affront, because lets face it, the whole world revolves around her.....
What a truly scary thought. I try, but I just have nothing in common. When the family behaves so insular, as they do, it just compounds an already glaringly obvious problem. The elephant in the living room, if you will. And to see her literally jump (high) for the BIL's makes me vomit.
God grant me the serenity.....
She is not very accepting of different and take it as a personal affront, because lets face it, the whole world revolves around her.....
What a truly scary thought. I try, but I just have nothing in common. When the family behaves so insular, as they do, it just compounds an already glaringly obvious problem. The elephant in the living room, if you will. And to see her literally jump (high) for the BIL's makes me vomit.
God grant me the serenity.....
Anonymous
07/18/2014 16:07
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Just spent a two week vacation with the IL's. Tips:
You have to spend some time away from the ILs Every. Single. Day. They can head to the boardwallk for coffee or breakfast in the morning. Or your immediate family goes to the beach without them. Or you go to the grocery store while they take the kids, etc.
Take turns babysitting. Go out with just your spouse one night while the ILs have pizza/movie night with the kids.
Schedule a mani/pedi or something that you can do with just your MIL while DH does something with FIL, etc. Break into different combinations at different times to keep things flowing.
Make it an "early night" house where you and DH "retire" early, even if you're just going to watch a movie in your room. Make sure you have a stash of your favorite drinks or snack food in there.
Remember, it's their vacation AND your vacation. Everyone has a right to enjoy themselves. Try to make it happen for all of your sakes.
You have to spend some time away from the ILs Every. Single. Day. They can head to the boardwallk for coffee or breakfast in the morning. Or your immediate family goes to the beach without them. Or you go to the grocery store while they take the kids, etc.
Take turns babysitting. Go out with just your spouse one night while the ILs have pizza/movie night with the kids.
Schedule a mani/pedi or something that you can do with just your MIL while DH does something with FIL, etc. Break into different combinations at different times to keep things flowing.
Make it an "early night" house where you and DH "retire" early, even if you're just going to watch a movie in your room. Make sure you have a stash of your favorite drinks or snack food in there.
Remember, it's their vacation AND your vacation. Everyone has a right to enjoy themselves. Try to make it happen for all of your sakes.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 15:29
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mine is coming up in a few weeks. Lesson learned from last year - plan ahead and make sure to identify activities that get me out of the house/away from the ILs.
My DH likes to fish, and he'll make a last minute decision to go out for a half or full day, leaving me in the house with MIL and DD. This year I'm making him tell me which days he is fishing so I can identify similar-length outings for myself. MIL would like nothing more than to have DD to herself, so she can babysit while I drive into town, go get my nails done, go for a nice, very long run, or whatever.
Also, my MIL knows I love to read and rarely have time, so I'll bring a huge pile of books and head off into the bedroom to "read" (even if I just take a nap or whatever) or take a book down to the coffee shop.
Running and reading are two excellent hobbies that MIL and FIL cannot participate in so buy me time to myself.
Wow, your IL's sound really kind and selfless. Can we trade?
Hahaha! Yeah, they sure sound that way in this description but you are welcome to them! I've posted about MIL on here before and the general consensus was she is nuts. Her one redeeming quality is that she loves DD and would do anything to spend one on one time with her, so I try to take advantage of that.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:56
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Staying in a house separate from the ILs is really the key. My ILs actually rent a separate house for us. It's really awesome.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:53
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Anonymous wrote:Mine is coming up in a few weeks. Lesson learned from last year - plan ahead and make sure to identify activities that get me out of the house/away from the ILs.
My DH likes to fish, and he'll make a last minute decision to go out for a half or full day, leaving me in the house with MIL and DD. This year I'm making him tell me which days he is fishing so I can identify similar-length outings for myself. MIL would like nothing more than to have DD to herself, so she can babysit while I drive into town, go get my nails done, go for a nice, very long run, or whatever.
Also, my MIL knows I love to read and rarely have time, so I'll bring a huge pile of books and head off into the bedroom to "read" (even if I just take a nap or whatever) or take a book down to the coffee shop.
Running and reading are two excellent hobbies that MIL and FIL cannot participate in so buy me time to myself.
Wow, your IL's sound really kind and selfless. Can we trade?
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:53
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
"Running and reading are two excellent hobbies that MIL and FIL cannot participate in so buy me time to myself"
What I mean is...if I say I'm going for a walk, they'll want to join me. But when I'm following a training plan for a run, they can't. They can read, but they cannot read "with" me.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:52
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
Mine is coming up in a few weeks. Lesson learned from last year - plan ahead and make sure to identify activities that get me out of the house/away from the ILs.
My DH likes to fish, and he'll make a last minute decision to go out for a half or full day, leaving me in the house with MIL and DD. This year I'm making him tell me which days he is fishing so I can identify similar-length outings for myself. MIL would like nothing more than to have DD to herself, so she can babysit while I drive into town, go get my nails done, go for a nice, very long run, or whatever.
Also, my MIL knows I love to read and rarely have time, so I'll bring a huge pile of books and head off into the bedroom to "read" (even if I just take a nap or whatever) or take a book down to the coffee shop.
Running and reading are two excellent hobbies that MIL and FIL cannot participate in so buy me time to myself.
My DH likes to fish, and he'll make a last minute decision to go out for a half or full day, leaving me in the house with MIL and DD. This year I'm making him tell me which days he is fishing so I can identify similar-length outings for myself. MIL would like nothing more than to have DD to herself, so she can babysit while I drive into town, go get my nails done, go for a nice, very long run, or whatever.
Also, my MIL knows I love to read and rarely have time, so I'll bring a huge pile of books and head off into the bedroom to "read" (even if I just take a nap or whatever) or take a book down to the coffee shop.
Running and reading are two excellent hobbies that MIL and FIL cannot participate in so buy me time to myself.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:49
Subject: Re:If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
smile a lot. kill them with kindness. don't let them win or know that they are bothering you. escape as much as possible alone or with the kids. take a deep breath, they are going and it will be fine. don't let them have power over you to ruin your trip. laugh at how annoying or silly or whatever they are.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:47
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
I made sure my IL's weren't crazies when I married their son. So coping isn't so bad. Other tips -- we rent our own beach house, while ILs stay in their house. We also plan activities that don't include ILs.
Anonymous
07/18/2014 11:44
Subject: If you made it thought beach "vacation" week with the IL's
...And now you have returned home, please tell us your coping skills. What did you actually do to get through it this year? Without the obvious, drinking......
Actually, when I drink, it just makes me more tired and less willing to stay, so there is that.
If this thread does not apply to you, be grateful and move on.
Actually, when I drink, it just makes me more tired and less willing to stay, so there is that.
If this thread does not apply to you, be grateful and move on.