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[quote=Anonymous]My sister, with whom I generally have a good long-distance relationship, is suffering from some serious issues and is currently going through a messy divorce.  Growing up, she was always the proverbial 'golden child' and I think my parents are finding it particularly difficult to come to terms with the complexity of her tricky situation.  My mom asked me to have her three children to stay with us because she thinks they need a break.  She cannot have them because my dad is unwell.  I agreed.  Because my sister's husband has always disliked our family, we have not had much to do with them on a family to family basis.  I tend to go and see my sister when I can.  Fast forward to what is turning into a disastrous holiday.  My sister's kids (and I understand and am deeply sensitive to the context) have an astoundingly challenging mix of aggression, entitlement, disrespect and deep seated bitterness towards each other (I think both blame each other for the divorce and have been manipulated by their parents in a really sad and hideous way).  Nothing is right.  Endless sniping.  Everything I do is met with snide or pejorative remarks and frankly they are unbelievably frustrating to be around.  If I take them somewhere, it's the wrong place.  If I don't take them anywhere, they are bored.  If my kids suggest doing something, the suggestions are met with scorn.  They whine and moan all day unless they are in front of a screen which is not something we normally allow in the summer.  They just plain nasty to my kids who are by no means perfect but mostly respectful, generally nice to each other and all chip in to help in our now rather crowded house on a day to day basis.  Meanwhile, my sister is making noises about me keeping the kids for longer, my kids are making noises about wanting to go and live somewhere else, my husband has been a superstar but is over the current dynamic (he's not used to being told to 'go to hell' when suggesting someone might like to turn in for the night), my mom thinks I 'owe' it to my sister to help her more, my sister's husband calls the kids incessantly so I have an ongoing commentary about the various failings of our household because I "force" them to shower every so often, help clean up after meals, tell me where they are going and who they are going with etc.  I am at my wits end.  I am really trying.  I know these kids need something from me but what?  I tried to pose the option of getting them some therapy but their dad flatly refused (I'm led to believe that therapy is for pussies).  Can anyone give me advice?  If I send them home I'm sending them into a horrid hornets nest and yet another person will have let them down.  If I keep them for longer I am worried about the impact on my family.  I am worried about me.  I have no mandate to try and help them navigate some change and I am sick of being judged and manipulated by my family who appear to think that because I'm okay I should look after everyone else.  These kids are at an age where what happens now could make or break them.  So what do I do?         [/quote]

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