Reply to What is the DEAL with my FIL?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've never met anyone quite like him and he can be hard to describe, so forgive me if this is unclear.  He is not an unkind man - he is just the LEAST helpful person I have ever met.  For example - DH and I just got back from vacation with them.  MIL is incredibly helpful - above and beyond (which is probably related, as she enables him).  He, on the other hand, will literally be in the room while DH and me are running around trying to get the kids ready for the pool etc while the baby is screaming and the three year old is like I NEED TO GO POTTY! and will just stare off into space, 3 feet away.  I don't think I've ever seen him volunteer to help with anything, ever.  MIL will be struggling to hold down 7 dishes cooking at once in the kitchen and he'll be sitting there at the table staring into space again.

If you ask him specifically to do something, he will, but DH is at the end of his rope with having to do that.  He's also passive-aggressive - for example, he likes the temperature in the house a certain way, so when I left the window open to air out the room my kids were sleeping in, he went in and closed it while I was in another room.   Once we were riding in the car and I rolled my window down and he rolled it up from the driver's seat without saying anything.  He is the oldest of 3 children and just sort of is used to having his way - DH said when he was a kid (growing up in FL) he used to dread the sound of the screen door opening, because that meant FIL had decided it wasn't warm enough outside (even if it was 85) for AC that day.

DH is getting more and more frustrated (I suspect because it is getting more pronounced as FIL gets older and we now have 2 kids to deal with, so we're busier) and I worry that their relationship will be affected.  He is a kindhearted person, but just SO self-involved and set in his ways.  Any thoughts on what's going on (DH swears he is on the spectrum somehow) or how to deal with it?  MIL just sort of says "he'll help if you ask.  That's how he has always been."[/quote]
Then ask  him -- what is the issue?[/quote]

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