Reply to how to survive difficult in laws for a whole wknd

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[quote=Anonymous]It sounds like your husband may not know if he's stressed out. If it took you 10 years to realize that his parents are causing problems in your marriage, it might take him even longer to figure that out.

Before they get here (or if they're already here, do this once they're gone), take him aside and tell him you notice that whenever his fam comes over, he's more stressed than usual. He may very possibly deny it, but just continue and tell him the ways:

-Hiring someone to clean your house (as if you or DH aren't good enough?)
-Catering to their weird requests of fresh-squeezed OJ and fresh pastries every morning (you are not a hotel service, you are a family. If they expect this then they should stay at a hotel)
-Separate rooms for everyone - either you live in a gigantic house or you and/or your kids are sleeping on the couch. It's fine if you can accommodate this without inconveniencing yourselves, but if you're sleeping on the couch or air mattress all week then that many nights of bad sleep are only going to add to the stress
-Name past situations of when they've visited where he's been more stressed, and/or situations of this visit

Speak calmly, don't accuse. And with everything, note HIS reaction to each example, not yours. Ask him how he feels about it all, and keep the focus on him. If he asks you how you feel about any of these instances, tell him it bothers you that he seems stressed/irritated/frustrated/annoyed by their actions, etc. If he's the type of person that can't hear an accusation against his selfish family, then avoid telling him how their actions effect you other than it's sad/hard/whatever to see him in a bad mood when they come.

Also, suggest they stay for less time, and in a hotel the next time they visit. I love my ILs but can only stand them for about 3 days before I'm done.[/quote]

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