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[quote=Anonymous]Can you plan very directly for her involvement in her granchildrens lives in a way that makes it clear she is valued, and focuses on something special that can be "her thing" with the kids, but that also lets you have some control over the dynamics and relationship?

For instance, can you let her know that you want to make sure she sees the kids at least X times a year, and is included in special occasions (and you could even try to map those out early so she can get things on her calendar).

Is there something she knows how to do or really enjoys that she can share with your child?  Knitting?  Theater?  History?  A language?  Cooking?  Etc...   Find something that honors her and would be fun for your child, and plan to support that kind of involvement.

Then you can occasionally say no to something more easily, and/or control the type of interaction.

Good luck.  It doesn't sound like the kind of dynamic you can change, but maybe you can figure our work-arounds that can be framed as ensuring her involvement wiithout it being a nightmare.[/quote]

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