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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up very close with a pair of sisters (our families were best friends, we went on vacations together since we were babies, etc etc) ...fast-forward 30+ years, and we are still as close as any blood-relatives, and I am lucky enough to live in the same town as one of the sisters (let's call her Dora). Dora and I have young kids the same age, so we get together several times a month for playdates and just general hanging-out and merry-making. Dora and I have also helped each other get through depressive episodes in our own lives, and right now we're helping each other slog through these early years of parenting (let's just say we both have somewhat strong-willed children!) -- so there's not much we can hide from each other.

Over the past couple of years, Dora and her sister (let's call her Nora) have had increasingly tense interactions. Nora is older, so has been married longer and has older kids, and has a tendency to sound like she's the expert on all things parent-related -- of course she means well, but I think we can all relate to how grating it can be to have someone in our lives who seems to so effortlessly have all their shit together. Dora and Nora have really only seen each other at big family events (like weddings) recently, which are fun but of course are also high-stress endeavors (especially when you factor in Nora's older kids being so well-behaved and Dora's younger kids having their "moments," and all the sister STUFF that can churn up). Since I am closer to Dora, I tend to see all things from her perspective when she's coping with the fall-out from these stressful family gatherings. But after this most recent time a couple of months ago (which I was there for), I reached out to Nora because I was starting to worry about Dora. And Nora told me she was also worried about Dora, that she thought Dora was in another depression, and that since we are so close, she was really hoping I could help her get some help.

Now, I am no stranger to depression. I've had the (mis)fortune of finding out for myself what it feels like to go over the edge, and the scariest part of going into a depression (for me) is how long it can take to recognize what's happening, and how quickly things can go from manageable to NOT -- even when you think you have a handle on yourself. My partner also copes with depression, and it took about two years before he got help for his most recent episode (one year of me watching and wondering if what I was seeing was actual depression versus just life being stressful, and then another year of me asking him to get help before finally telling him to get help or I would leave and take the kid). With my partner, I remember saying these exact words: "You need to get your shit together. I will help you, if you want, but this needs to happen NOW." But I can't say that to Dora. Can I?

Sorry for the long post, but would really like to handle this sensitively. Thanks.[/quote]

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