Reply to Ugh, my passive-aggressive parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you have a training problem!

Repetition, consistency, clearly stated and acted upon reliable consequences.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

[b]If they continue to willfully disregard then you ramp up the consequences and you choose not to resume the relationship, or you choose to resume on drastically reduced terms (clearly stating why).

At some point you get a strong message that they cannot or will not change.  Then you have to make some decisions.  Maybe you're already there.[/b][/quote]

OP here. Thank you, 15:47, you hit the nail on the head here. This is what they're doing now; it's not egregious (like showing up at our house uninvited--they live out of state so it's less possible than it is probable), but they're doing things that someone else might consider "little", but to me, pushing any boundary at all still requires the consequence relevant to the "crime", just as PP mentioned. It's not like they were horrible all my life and I'm looking for an excuse to cut them off; they were generally ok, but I only truly noticed their bad behavior when I established boundaries and held to them. Looking back, I realize they were always like this, but less combative because I used to give in. Now that I don't give in--and haven't for the last 5 years--I see the real them and it's just sad.

FWIW, DH is very supportive of me and sees how their actions hurt me (and early in our relationship their manipulation has hurt our marriage). He has always had really good boundaries so it's not a problem for him to enforce. He's supportive of my decisions with them and gives a good reality check whenever I'm inclined to waver on boundaries. Don't worry, we never do waver because a) I trust DH's instinct and b) I know what would happen if I did waver, and I never want to go there again.[/quote]

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