Reply to My husband just revealed to me that his dad is an alcoholic

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "My husband just revealed to me that his dad is an alcoholic"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote]How about having a bit of worry for the man you married? From what you describe, I am sure he is incredibly embarrassed, shamed and downright mortified. He managing growing up in a home where you were talked to cover up critical problems on a daily basis. Imagine thinking the drinking was your fault, that if anyone found out your parents would be ashamed and your entire family would be shamed. Imagine wanting nothing more than to be in denial about all of it. I am sure that there is something wrong and brutal and each of our pasts that we really, really don't want anyone to know. It could be a rape, physical violence, a family member with an addiction, or many other things.

Of course it would have been better had your husband told you about all of this sooner. But, in addition to perhaps being an enabler, he has been a victim of this his entire life. I hear all of your concerns, but would suggest that you be gentle with your husband. You say he is a terrific guy, and that you cannot believe he didn't tell you this. That probably reflects how hard this is for him, and I don't think reflects that you need to worry about other secrets. Hi all means trying to work with him and come up with a workable solution. But know that this never probably men's quite deep and maybe much more horrible for him then you an adventure.[/quote]

I totally agree.  I say this as someone who's father was an abusive, raging alcoholic yet was a pillar of the community.  Our entire family revolved around his rages and my siblings and I were conditioned from a pre-verbal age to keep the secret.  I had to move 600 miles away to get a fresh start and begin my own recovery from my family.  And, this was after my father and two of my siblings killed themselves.  I know what it's like to be afraid to talk about the family secrets - and the shame.  You clearly have no idea what it's like but please don't underestimate it any more.

One of the best things you could do for your DH is go to relationship counseling to help you better understand how he grew up and make sure that legacy ends with him.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics