Reply to My husband just revealed to me that his dad is an alcoholic

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[quote=Anonymous]I was writing on my phone and accidentally submitted my post.

I'm having a really difficult time with this revelation as my husband asked me not to tell my parents or friends. Well, even my seven year old cousin mentioned to me "that man is drunk" so I think it is pretty obvious. I just don't spend that much time with my FIL since he lives out of state. My husband said he is ashamed and never told me, but I feel like this is a big issue that should have been addressed. I highly doubt my FIL will change. He's almost 70 and his family isn't the type to go to rehab or therapy. At the same time, I don't want to deny my son having a relationship with him. While I would not allow him to be alone with my son, watch him on his own or drive my son, I do not agree with my husband and his sister about denying him time with the children or even seeing the children unless he stops drinking cold turkey. I work in health care, and totally think my FIL needs medical help. I want to encourage my husband and his sister and mom to be supportive of their dad and encourage him to join AA, go to a therapist, go to rehab, etc.

I'm really resentful of my husband for not sharing this information with me. I had pointed out that his dad was being antisocial and exhibiting odd behavior and he made me feel really snarky. Meanwhile, his dad is bombed out of him mind, urinating with the door open in a house full of people, including lots of young children, snoring loudly at the dinner table and stuffing his face with snack food he hid around the house.

My husband and his family have a pattern of avoidance behavior. His mom is another story for later, but I feel like this was really important information my husband should have shared with me. I can't imagine keeping a secret from him our entire relationship.

I'm pretty angry at my husband for not sharing this information and wonder what else he hid from me. At the same time, I feel like I haven't handled the situation very well and am asking this forum for advice on how to support my husband and encourage his dad to get the help he needs. Also, how do I address the need to be honest and transparent with my husband and to also let my husband know that other people are aware his dad has a problem, without hurting his feelings? My husband is a wonderful man, but keeping this secret has really upset me. [/quote]

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