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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous[b]]I think I'd say something like "holding Baby can't be good for your arthritis, especially since Baby is growing so much recently[/b]!" Then find a way to seat baby so grandma can interact easily (a high chair?) and make that the default. You didn't say how young the baby is, but I'm guessing only a few months? Soon, Baby can "prefer to lie on a mat" or "want to be free to sit on the floor."

I'll also point out that kids don't need to be babysat by their grandparents to feel close to them. Heck, they don't even need physical contact! You are not damaging their relationship if you set reasonable boundaries based on your MIL's physical limits. (Of course, you don't have to say why she's not babysitting unless you want to. You can just choose not to have her babysit.)[/quote]

[b]NO, I would not start off like that. MIL would deny and dismiss it. Take the lead of 21:48 and be as direct and calm as possible. [/b]This has to be about a decision that you and DH have made. It's not a conversation or a debate. You are simply stating information about what will and what will not happen regarding the handling of the baby. [/quote]

I agree.  An indirect, or a passive-aggressive approach will not work here.

[/quote]

Yeah - OP here, thanks everyone.  I think the suggestions about deflection are good, some people would take that kind of hint - but we've tried it for several months now.  She always snaps back and pushes back so I end up having to say firmly, "no, we're not doing that [having MIL hold her while try to spoon feed her sweet potatoes backwards - something DH and I wouldn't try either just because it would be ridiculous and messy]."  And then she gets all eye-roll-y and says in this really sarcastic and side tone "OH, well I guess mommy has spoken then!"  It drives me absolutely insane.  I can't do this anymore.

Last night DH actually talked to his brother and SIL about this - they have a young baby but live farther away, and their baby is a bit older and heavier so MIL has kind of (either consciously or subconsciously) accepted she can't take care of that one (without them having to say anything) and has fixated on our smaller baby.  DH is going to be the one to speak directly with her about it.  If it doesn't work and she still is acting the same next time, I will definitely try to channel the calm but direct "this is what is going to happen with our baby" style.[/quote]

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