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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DW and I had this same problem. I didn't understand why she was so frustrated because I would do anything she asked me to do. Her point was that she didn't want to have to ask me to do everything. She described it as "participating in running our life," which I couldn't understand at all, because if I was supposed to do something like plan a birthday party, I planned it, and it got done, so how was I not participating?

After talking it through over several months, we figured out that we had been talking past one another. What she was really upset about was not that I did a bad job planning the birthday party (for example). It's that I wasn't looking ahead, determining that a birthday was coming up, and realizing the party needed to be planned, not that I wouldn't do the planning if asked. [b]The looking ahead and figuring out something needed to be done is what was making her upset - she was exhausted figuring out all of those things.[/b]

Meanwhile, she had been doing that kind of planning for so long I didn't even notice it, and honestly didn't feel entitled to come up with my own ideas for things like what we should do in the summer or where the kids would go to camp.

The discussion sort of solved the problem, because after that I actually felt more freedom to put things on our schedule, and to have my own ideas about what to do, both in the short term and the long term.

Although writing this reminds me that I've probably fallen down on this a bit and need to figure out some things for the summer.[/quote]

I LOVE U.  Things are better now, but this was the exact problem I had with my DH when kids were very young.  If only men would realize this from the beginning, or I guess women need to tell this to men from the beginning.  It's the mental work that is stressful.

Also, agree with PP that as the wife, you have to also let the dads do some things their way.  We as moms have to let some things go.  But the taking the initiative without asking is a HUGE load off of moms' shoulders.[/quote]

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