Reply to S/I What do the grandparents say when you tell them "you had your turn"?

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Reply to "S/I What do the grandparents say when you tell them "you had your turn"?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the one who said it in the tooth fairy thread. I just wanted to convey that fact clearly to the OP. That doesn't mean you actually say it to the inlaws. You shape your response, actions and words, with today in mind. [/quote]

My same question obtains: how does this approach work out? How is the message, however it's delivered, received?[/quote]

This isn't an approach - it's an underlying belief about the dynamics at play which I don't personally think is a very helpful belief. Most grandparents are not acting the way they do because they want to relive their time as parents and maliciously take away your "turn" at parenting. They may be controlling, and they may have all sorts of pathologies, but few are out to "usurp" the parents.

I had some of these issues with my MIL and they bugged me - like she offered to give my son his first haircut, among many other behaviors. But now that I'm two years into parenting I see much more clearly that for all her boundary stomping, she just wants to be part of the family and close to my son, however many boundaries she may stomp in the process. I am obviously the parent, so I can be more generous and tolerant of her.  Whenever she suggests something like the haircut I just say "no," but don't make a huge deal about it, because I know that in a week or two I could be calling her in desperate need of backup childcare if my nanny gets sick!

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