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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, did you post the other day about initiation?  Honestly, it seems like you need to have a talk with YOUR wife and see how she feels about it all, rather than using other people's experiences to help you figure out what your wife is thinking/wants.  [/quote]

I have. She's unclear on what she wants. Whether it's because she doesn't know or doesn't want to say is a tougher question. And the worse part is that talking about our sexual dynamics makes her more self-conscious about sex and therefore less into it. So, in my experience, I need to have these sex talks sparingly. Talking it out with Internet strangers helps me identify the more productive areas of discussion or experimentation.

The underlying problem is that she's not as attracted to me as she would like to be or as I would like her to be. There is a variety of reasons for that lack of attraction. We had a long stretch of pregnancy, tiny kids that kills a lot of sexual attraction under the best of circumstances. Then, as it turned out, her hormonal IUD was killing her sex drive. We got that out and things got better.

Never in our discussions did she say, "I'd want to have sex with you if you had more muscles." In fact, I'm pretty sure she affirmatively denied any issue with my physical appearance. (I'm tall and skinny). But, reading up on Internet forums, I embraced the unsurprising advice that "chicks dig muscles." So, I committed to gaining weight and building muscle. And, go figure, our sex life improved and she's made a lot of comments about my improving physique. I think she's been surprised by her own response. So this communication you (and others) recommend - while valuable - has some definite limitations.

I'm thinking initiation style and persistence might occupy the same sort of blind spot as my physique. But I don't know. More muscles is, comparatively, a no-brainer. So, I come to a place like this and start a discussion and try to gather the insights of others. [/quote]

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