Reply to Marriage counseling--how ridiculous is it

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I kind of agree with you.  I know a few couples who did marriage counseling, and my impression from their discussion of it was that they jockeyed for sympathy from the counselor.  It wasn't so much having a middle man as having an audience.  And it didn't seem to do much.

That said, if you have reached a wall, I still would say it's worth a try.  I think it's sort of like if you have a serious illness and the only options are to accept death or to try a treatment that might not work, go ahead and try the treatment.

But set some parameters.  Like, say, "we'll commit to going to counseling for 3 months and then have a conversation about it."  Not that you expect everything to be fixed in 3 months, but it is enough time to at least sit down and decide if it is at all helpful.  Just make sure to set an amount of time that gives you enough time to adjust to the counselor, et cetera.

The biggest issue I have with counseling of any kind, individual, couples or groups, is that, sure, there are techniques, but I think there are very few people who have the wisdom, the personality, et cetera, to really be a good counselor.

I also think that the other issue is that even individuals in individual counseling are rarely brutally honest.  Whenever someone is telling someone else something, they are always subconsciously aware of audience, and I think it skews how they communicate what is going on.

Personally, a far better way to notice patterns and address them is to keep a regular journal.  Set an amount of time aside and commit to writing the entire time.  Try not to stop to "think" about what you are writing.  Just write stream of consciousness.  And then once a week or once a month, go back and read the entries.  I think it is the only space, a private journal, where people are truly honest.

Perhaps you and your husband could keep a journal.  And see if you each notice patterns in yourself and then schedule a time once a week to talk to each other about what issues came up in the journals.[/quote]

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