Reply to your spouse should not dictate the terms of your life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hugs, OP.  I'm in a similar situation.  At what point do you cut it off?  My DH has depression/ADHD.  He's got an addiction to tobacco which he currently satisfies with chewing tobacco.  Of course, I'd prefer he not use it but understand why he does.  However, with the additional stressors and demands of having a family, his depression and ADHD are magnified and swing back and forth.  I've supported him in every way I can but he just doesn't do enough to manage his conditions.  He has problems regulating his emotions and it definitely has an impact on our home life.  The question I struggle with is at what point does it become unhealthy for the kids?  Two of our kids have ADHD and have similar struggles but they're kids and I'm working to help them develop the skills they need to compensate.  What about when it's an adult?  [/quote]

You can not equate tobacco addiction to Alcohol or drugs because, while tobacco is addictive, the negative consequences are long term health. That is like saying I have addiction issues because I need three cubs of coffee a day.  I am physically addicted to caffeine, but it does not have negative side effects.[/quote]

I'm sorry.  I mistyped.  I should have said he's only got one current addiction and that's to tobacco.  He's a recovering alcoholic and while I wouldn't say he had a porn/video game addictions, it was close.  When his depression is less controlled, his distractions/addiction increases as he engages in self-medication.

To further expound on what 14:52 said, you need to learn more about the effects of nicotine.  The effects aren't just long term.  While tobacco addiction isn't always in the same category as hard drugs, it does have a significant detrimental effect on the user and his family.  In my case, my DH sneaks the tobacco, lies to the kids about it even though they can smell it on him, knows where he likes to chew and tells them he didn't buy it even when they saw him do it.  He does this not because I make a big deal out of it because it's part of the shame of addiction.  He quits when we go on vacation even though I ask him not to because he's a mother fucker to be around when he's coming off it.  He won't go to the dentist because he's ashamed the dentist knows he hasn't quit and doesn't want to hear what the dentist has to say about it (nothing other than you need to quit).  He has to have a nicotine fix at least three times a day and if it's delayed he turns into an asshole.  Oh and the nicotine wreaks havoc on his blood sugar.  He's a type II diabetic (genetic, not weight related) and has been avoiding the endocrinologist for the same reasons he avoids the dentist.  He gets up at least twice a night to piss and if not, he wets the bed, his cuts are slow to heal and his knees look/feel like sandpaper because of poor circulation - all results of excessive blood glucose levels.  The effects of nicotine and sleep are well documented, too.  My DH is sleep deprived - which affects his mood, makes his depression and ADHD worse, makes his relationships more difficult and is an expense we really can't afford.

So, yeah, tobacco addiction is a problem for my DH.  It may not impair cognitive functioning the way alcohol and drugs do but in the case of my DH, it's an addiction that's just as damaging to him and to his relationships.  [/quote]

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