Reply to your spouse should not dictate the terms of your life

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[quote=Anonymous]OP again. I see I got a lot of views. In the meantime, I have had kind of a revalation of the obvious. I had been thinking in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe I was using the word "addiction" without complete certainty. I never thought to look up "addict thought patterns" until JUST NOW.

The reason for me looking that up is that I put it together in reading these self pitying and self righteous and blaming texts from my husband this morning that he says these really irrational things when he is "caught" I used to think it was weird stress in the moment.

But its much more complicated than that as well. There are entire constructs of thought that I would come up against when getting into any area that addresses something the addictions affect somehow. And I began to suspect that yes in fact his entire thought process is weirdly self centered and built only around what he wants. While very much saying things that are the opposite sometimes. And also by doing things that by all appearances are not that. Its torture. You dont know what is real.

Well, unfortunately, I now can see that the situation is probably as hopeless as I could have ever imagined, because  when I read up on "Addictive Thinking Patterns" I found every confounding thinking he has ever expressed.

I am so devastated and sad. This problem developed slowly over a period of years. When we married he was drug free and I thought he has just put it behind him like he said he had. I by contrast briefly experimented in HS and it was not for me. It was therefore easy for me to think that anyone could put this behind them. I did not know what an addict actually is. I did not know an addict can go years without using. I just didnt know.

Its the messed up thinking that really scares me the most. Its as if the person I married just is not in there anymore. Nonetheless, I must focus my energies on getting myself slowly but surely, steadfastly, out of having this rule my life. I will probably always be connected to him, and so I wont ever be truly free from this, but I have to save my child from having the terms of HER life dictated by this. Unfortunately, if divorce is what happens, it already has.

Probably most cruelly, he has made references to our "poor" daughter who has parents who "cant get along". I am going to have to pursue living by the truth without revealing too much to her. Meanwhile, I predict he will resort to blaming me to her. Thank goodness she is smart and already sees some of his behaviors (raging and blaming) exactly for what they are.

I am very very sad. Im posting this so that anyone in this situation knows they are not alone.  [/quote]

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