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[quote=Anonymous]OMG!  I'm exhausted just reading this.  I can't imagine the energy this requires in real life.  I don't think you've done a good job defining what YOU are comfortable with and what you think is reasonable.  I'm going to turn your questions back around on you.

How many times should I call her a week? [b]How many times are you comfortable with and for how many minutes?[/b] FWIW I call my mom once a week on Sunday morning for @ 10 minutes.
How many pictures should I send her a week? [b]How many times are you comfortable with?[/b]
How often should I visit? (she lives in atlanta and has offered to pay for the plane fare) [b]How often can you endure a visit?[/b]  My mom sees us twice about twice a year.

The thing about these things is that only you can say what's a healthy limit for you.  It seems like you keep trying to view it from the perspective of your mother.  Obviously, her needs are much greater than yours so you need to use your limit as the maximum limit.  If you get some extra energy one day, you can always do a spontaneous call but that wouldn't obligate you to deviate from your agreed upon call on Sunday morning (for example).  You many need to remind her about the schedule but you can always do more if you are so inclined.

I would also establish some healthy boundaries regarding information about your birth mother.  It's not up for discussion.  It's not your mother's business and if she wants to engage or discuss it, refuse to.  If she insists, explain you are ending the phone call and you look forward to the next scheduled call.

I know it's hard but believe you me, what you're doing now is much more exhausting.  Hugs.[/quote]

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