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[quote=Anonymous]Thanks all for the responses and for reading my long lengthy vent.

I have done therapy alone and together. We got the therapist after my birth mother decided to come to my wedding a few years ago, and the mother (that i'm referencing in the post) lost her absolute mind. The way she responded to my birth mother's decision to attend nearly ruined the entire wedding experience. I still cringe when I think about it.

The therapist is able to explain what I am saying in a successful manner. We have reached new levels of clarity as a result, but things are far from perfect.

She is very excited to be a grandmother! I think that is great. However she is very territorial if she catches wind that my birth mother may visit (approx once a year), the shit hits the fan. The need for validation ten folds, my phone doesnt stop buzzing with notifications and it takes weeks for some normalcy to return.  Most recently she found pictures on my camera from birth moms visit and then there was a chorus of "you have more pictures of grandson and birthmom than me!" (another method of seeking validation is who has the most pictures with grandson).

Now the question, for those that recommend boundaries (i agree!) - what are good ones?
How many times should I call her a week?
How many pictures should I send her a week?
How often should I visit? (she lives in atlanta and has offered to pay for the plane fare)

I hate to formalize something that should be natural and fun, but I don't know what boundaries are appropriate. The constant deliberation of what I should do is exhausting.[/quote]

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