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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No the friends are mutual. I run into in my work circle and she knows them because similar age and past. Hard to explain but there is natural overlap. [/quote]

The troubling part to me is the phrase "in my work circle." If these mutual friends are in any positions of authority over you in your work, or are peers at work and could badmouth you to bosses, or are clients of your work and could somehow jeopardize your job if they give you the cold shoulder -- you need to have a very serious talk with your husband, whose job it is to tell his mother to lay off. (He can inform her that if you lose your job or lose clients or get a bad rep at work due to her, she will be called on to help replace your income!) Whatever he says, it's HIS job, not yours, to deal with her directly, even though she annoys him. The adult child deals with his or her own toxic parents, period, and when needed, shields the spouse who is getting crap from the in-laws.

If these mutual friends do not have any way in which they could impact your work, then be cordial and do not discuss her if they bring her up. "Oh, yes, I saw Sally the other week" and instant change of subject every single time. Big smile, never badmouth her and never try to defend yourself unless they absolutely directly challenge you: "Sally said you did X. Did you?" Then you would have to defend yourself but coolly and professionally: "No, I did not do X. I'm sorry that Sally has misunderstood or gotten the wrong impression of things, but I did not do X and will be sure to ask her about her discussions with others. Thanks for letting me know so I can address what seems to be a misunderstanding." But don't go there unless it's lobbed at you directly.

Otherwise: Don't entertain her or FIL or these mutual friends. Be too busy. I think you need friends outside the work/MIL circle anyway. Do things you want to do, activities outside home, which leaves you less time to think about MIL and her nonsense. You say your husband doesn't like to have them over anyway. You and he can find some activities together. Why do you feel obliged to host dinners etc? Again -- is this work related??[/quote]

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