Reply to When parents live across the country and are terminally ill

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I took FMLA and went home. My dad slept the first 2 days I was home, was awake and semi coherent the next 3, then asked if I had everything I needed. I told him I had enough to figure out the rest (taking care of stepmom stuff). He slept te next to days and then died. He was happy to be home and happy to have me home. I wouldn't suggest moving your family members. Go to them. If you've been at your position for a year, you are eligible for FMLA. [/quote]

OP, this. Please check into your FMLA rights if you work outside the home. (Your employer has to be a certain size, I think 50 or more employees, to be required to give it to you but PLEASE check that and find out your rights). This is what FMLA is for and you have a right to use it.

Do not hesitate to take time away from your kids and job and get out there. I hope you have a supportive spouse who will handle the kid stuff etc. while you go. I wish I had left my kindergartener for more time while my own mom was dying -- my husband would have handled it just fine and so would my kid. I did get to see my mom a good amount but could have done more pretty easily if I had just realized that her time was short. If you already know that your parent's time is short -- use that knowledge and go.

If there are care issues, as in there is no spouse or adult child or other primary caregiver where your parent is right now -- that creates a far more urgent situation and definitely requires you to get out there if you are the child who will have to make legal, medical, residential or end-of-life decisions. If that is not the case, still go as much as you [i]feel [/i]you need to go -- NOT "as much as you [i]can[/i]" because we all think we are indispensable and we "can" not be spared enough.

You "have a life here" but that life will continue for your family here if you are not there all the time, and it will continue for all of you after your parent dies. That is going to happen in a pretty finite time. So why not use that time, knowing that your life here will pick up again all too soon?[/quote]

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