Reply to s/o If you have your MIL (or elderly parent, IL, ETC)

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Reply to "s/o If you have your MIL (or elderly parent, IL, ETC) - what is the arrangement?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My grandmother lived with us for awhile. She was physically disabled and walked with a walker but was cognitively fine. She could move short distances but couldn't take her hands off the walker to reach for anything. She needed help toileting, bathing, getting dressed due to limited mobility.

The pros were that she was able to stay in a home environment with family ad we had the multi-generational benefits.

The cons were a long list. While technically we could leave her alone, she would always try and 'help' while were out with some household task and end up falling and lying on the floor until we got home. She started to not want to be alone and would want to be with us 100% of the time. Given her physical limitations, this was very restrictive. She would get depressed if she wasn't included in everything and cry about being a burden. She went to bed fairly early but wanted you to stay with her and talk, and if you left she was like a child, thinking of reasons to call you back. 
We had someone who came and stayed with her at various times but she only accepted this person as health care support / maid service and wanted the woman to work the whole time she was there. The woman was there to help but also to provide companionship however my grandmother did not want or appreciate the companionship aspect!

In the end she went into LTC. It was a heartbreaking decision and no one felt good about it then or now. We bring her to our house every Sunday for the day and visit her twice a week but she still feels very much abandoned and neglected. She is safer and there are more activities she can be involved in and she has more independence as she can use an electric wheelchair there. Despite the guilt, I still think it was the best decision. [/quote]

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