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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your baby is only 12 days old.  You're in the thick of newborn life and recovery.  My opinion?  No one gets to come over who stresses out a new mama.  And if that includes canceling a Thanksgiving invitation (or RSVP), so be it.

Take the time to take care of yourself, so you can deal with everything else.  Just dealing with new motherhood is already a lot, and you might need a few/several weeks away from your mom until you've got yourself together.

What was your schedule like seeing your mom pre-baby or pre-pregnancy?  You might try going back to that level of frequency.  And the next time she calls asking to come over that day, say you need more advance notice and would prefer no same day drop-ins (especially if that wasn't your norm before).  [/quote]

+1.  OP, except for the drug-addicted father, I could have written your post, right down to moving out at 17.  This --"while it is still not a good idea for us to spend a lot of time together, we could maintain a surface level, acquaintance like relationship for major events and holidays " -- describes us exactly.

I had a child last year, so can relate.  My mother, thankfully, did not comment on breastfeeding (at least not to my face) but does make other comments (e.g., my child doesn't know the Sesame Street characters on her diapers because I don't let her want TV, just stupid stuff like that).  For me, I had to limit the time spent with my mother.  It's the only way for me.  You're SO early post-partum.  I severely limited all visitors during the first few weeks (and months).  I agree with the poster who said new mothers are sacred and whoever adds stress/agida cannot be around you.  While I give props to the people who can shove someone out the door if they acted up, I could not do that.  Like I said, for me, I just limited the time, but did not completely cut off the relationship.  How you limit the time is up to you.  I made it about me, not my mother (e.g., I wouldn't say she couldn't come over because her perfume is bad for the baby, I'd say I wasn't up for visitors like a PP suggested, or maybe that the perfume was bothering me with my heightened post-partum sense of smell).  It's a pain, and I wish I had a different mother, but I don't.  Also, unbeknownst to her, she will never be alone with my child.  Ever.

Good luck and congrats! [/quote]

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