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Reply to "Abusive Mom, now first time Grandma - advice?"
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[quote=Anonymous]I would like to think (and hoped your post would go this way but it didn't) that she, like many parents, viewed becoming a grandparent as an opportunity to do-over, to a certain degree, some parenting. Perhaps (and yes, I realize I am making excuses for her here) she wants to do that, but is nervous, so her stand-by, bitchy side is what's coming through. Regardless, I feel like pregnant women and new mothers are sacred, and anyone giving a pregnant woman or new mother stress/agida needs to go the hell away. OP, set clear and firm boundaries, and stick to them. "Mom, in order for you to be welcome around me and the new baby, you need to not wear heavy scents, and not make comments about breastfeeding. When you make comments about weight or bring formula, that is passive-aggressive and quite bluntly, I don't need that shit now and since I'm an adult I don't have to put up with it anymore, so I won't. If you do these things, we will promptly invite you to leave. Please take as much time as you need to come to a decision. We would love for you to be an active participant in Benny's life, but will understand if you feel you can't." And then you really MUST stand up and SHOW HER THE DOOR if she shows up wearing perfume or at the first comment about nursing. She will throw a temper tantrum and say all sorts of awful things, and then will leave, and calm down eventually and come to respect your boundaries. You are a new mother and don't need that shit. People will try to walk all over your child throughout his life, and you will need to teach him how to stand up for himself, both by being an example he can follow and by talking through situations. Start with your mother.[/quote]
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